The Biggest D

Put the Southwest Division race with the San Antonio Spurs on the back burner. Press pause on their pursuit of a franchise record 61 wins. And momentarily disregard Dirk Nowitzki’s push for the NBA’s Most Valuable Player nod. Tonight in Detroit, the Dallas Mavericks are after one thing and one…

Griese Like Monday Morning

Because there’s no way you saw this yesterday, Dallas Stars goalie Marty Turco hearts new Chicago Bears quarterback Brian Griese. In related news, when I was 10 I thought that 1979 M song “Pop Musik” was about Brian’s dad. Seriously, didn’t the chorus always sound like the guy was singing,…

Stars Gazing

The Cowboys signed Terrell Owens and Mike Vanderjagt last week. The Mavericks have flirted with having the NBA’s best record all season. The Rangers open their season a week from today. And the Stars…eh, didn’t hockey die? While you were busy not caring even a little bit, the NHL skipped…

The SMU…Cowboys?

SMU’s athletic administration will take tackle its future by relying on the Dallas Cowboys’ past–and not the recent past, but the waaaaay back past. The good past, that is. Steve Orsini will be announced this afternoon as the Mustangs’ new athletic director, replacing the retiring Jim Copeland. Orsini got his…

Young and the Restless

I’ve only seen her on TV, but I wouldn’t require a personal interview and authorized head-to-toe-measurements before I agreed to marry Elisha Cuthbert. I’m pretty confident we’d live, like, happily ever after. So why is it that NFL teams are so damned picky about college players like Vince Young? The…

Go…uh…Canada!

I always thought Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders spent the off-season finishing their master’s degrees, smashing atoms or trying to solve the Birch and Swinnerton-Dyer Conjecture. Not so much. Turns out they cheer. –Robert Wilonsky…

Man Amongst ‘Boys

Back in 2001 I shook hands with Big Tex, or at least it felt that way when I hopped in Larry Allen’s golf cart for an interview at Dallas Cowboys training camp in Wichita Falls. On that particular day, Allen–one of the biggest, meanest, strongest, scariest players in NFL history–was…

Do You Have the Worst Taste in Music?

If the answer to the above question is, “Sure, absolutely,” then I guess it’s time to direct you to a downloadable version of Terrell Owens’ much-talked-about rap song called either “I’m Back” or “I Suck.” It’s been on Owens’ Web site for a few days, but someone kindly converted it…

Eyes Wide Shut

You wouldn’t hire Charles Barkley to be the Mavericks’ team psychologist. Put Robin Ventura in charge of the Rangers’ alumni association. Or name Lee Harvey Oswald Inc. as Dallas’ public relations firm. Um, then why in the world would you applaud the signing of Terrell Owens as a Dallas Cowboy?…

So Far, So Great

Mike Rhyner is still calling Dallas Cowboys coach Bill Parcells “The New Jersey Con Man.” Rhyner’s on-air partner, Greg Williams, is bashing Parcells for missing last weekend’s earth-shattering press conference to instead attend baseball spring training. And there are at least enough dissenting Terrell Owens opinions to form a small…

Sacred Star? Puh-lease.

I know the image of Terrell Owens celebrating in the middle of Texas Stadium in 2000 sickens most Dallas Cowboys fans. Well, hate to break it to you, but that star ain’t all that sacred. Want proof? We’ve all heard the suburban legends about kids sneaking into the stadium and…

Cash Cow

Didn’t take long for Terrell Owens to start paying dividends. On Monday the Cowboys sold 1,500 Owens jerseys at $75 a pop. According to my abacus that’s around $112,000, which makes it a long way to go toward recouping the $10 million he’s guaranteed this season, but it’s a healthy…

The Team-wrecker

During the Ring of Honor induction for the Triplets last fall, I asked Michael Irvin about Terrell Owens and the controversy of the moment—T.O.’s stream of negative comments about Eagles QB and multiple Pro Bowler Donovan McNabb. Irvin, of course, is buddies with T.O., who infamously agreed with Irvin’s comments…

In Bill We Trust?

So, where was he? Bill Parcells, so we’re told, is the only guy on the planet capable of handling Terrell Owens. The infallible Tuna is the main reason the Cowboys think their T.O. experiment will work when 31 other teams are convinced it won’t. But on Saturday, at Owens’ introductory…

T.O. or Not T.O.?

Jerry Jones is in the Caribbean. Bill Parcells is in Florida. Terrell Owens is in limbo. And every Cowboys fan is in the dark. If you watched KLBK-Channel 13 in Lubbock this morning, you’re sure Owens signed a multi-year contract with the Cowboys late Thursday night and that a press…

Close Shave

As the NCAA men’s basketball tournament grips Dallas today at the American Airlines Center, its fun to ponder all of the money and cheating that will be following the bouncing ball. Cheating? According to economist Justin Wolfers assistant professor of business and public policy at the Wharton School of the…

Pat the Bunny

ESPN.com columnist Pat Forde writes today about the paucity of Texas Longhorns fans at yesterday’s opening practice sessions at the American Airlines Center. To which I say, Dude, some of us gotta work. But I will be there tonight when the Horns play Penn in the first-round regional, which is…

Spring Senility

Some call it March Madness; others, the Big Dance. Me, I joyfully refer to it as the one month a year when gambling on sports is not only legal but openly promoted. Pop the corks, and ransack your 401(k)–it’s time to bet on basketball! If you work in an office…

Hansen: Still Unplugged

Don’t tug on Superman’s cape. Don’t spit into the wind. And, unless you have an hour and a backup notebook or two, don’t call Dale Hansen for a quick comment. In the wake of the Dallas Cowboys’ move to KTCK-AM (1310, The Ticket), I got tons…fine, 12 e-mails from readers…

America’s Ticket

Appearing now on the Dallas Cowboys’ new flagship radio station: A lunchtime host who fought the former head coach and constantly fillets the current one. A drive-time star who champions himself as leader of the “anti-Cowboys faction” and refers to Bill Parcells as “The New Jersey Con Man.” And a…

America’s Past Prime

Ssssh. Hear that? Is it butterflies peein’ in a cotton field? Vince Young’s gears turnin’? Bode Miller’s Olympic medals clanging together? Nope, just the hollow clamor surrounding the World Baseball Classic. Chalk up another one for Major League Baseball commissioner Bud Selig. First, despite a mountain of evidence that Barry…

You Can Spell Team Without T.O.

As Jerry Seinfeld so eloquently put it: We don’t cheer players, we cheer laundry. That’s true enough around here: We booed Deion Sanders as a San Francisco 49er and then cheered him as a Dallas Cowboy; and we cheered Steve Nash as a Dallas Maverick and now boo him as…