Guns Up 49, Pony Up 9

Uh-oh. For SMU’s over-matched, underwhelming football team, Labor Day felt a lot like Groundhog Day. Before a hopeful (that is, naïve) crowd and horrified (which is to say, realistic) national television audience, the Mustangs got absolutely plastered and humiliated by Texas Tech. Again. Tech has beaten SMU 12 straight times,…

Jeremy Wariner Gets Matt Pulle’s Heart Racing Just a Little

Arlington’s Jeremy Wariner, at right, winning the 400 in Athens in 2004 — the dude doesn’t know to lose. Arlington’s own Jeremy Wariner added another trophy to his mantle, dominating the 400-meter dash today at the World Track Championships in Osaka, Japan. Wariner ran a 43.45, more than .51 seconds…

Only One More Shopping Day Till Football Season

The Stars re-signed Jussi Jokinen, the Rangers committed to Ron Washington through 2009, and the Mavs still haven’t added anything except this spare part. I know, you don’t give a da-yum. Honestly, me neither. ‘Cuz tomorrow the calendar changes to September, and the season changes to football! The Cowboys slept-walked…

T.O. Takes Time to Answer 10 Questions

The September 10 issue of Time — which is not yet online — contains 10 questions for Your Dallas Cowboys’ wide receiver Terrell Owens. And it’s just brilliant, brilliant — if only for the queries posed by Randall L. Dunn of Cincinnati and Patrick Hurley of Buffalo:…

Wat Up, Dawg?

Hear that? The silence. The eerie nothingness. The unequivocal lack of support. It’s quiet confirmation that Atlanta Falcons quarterback Michael Vick really, really, really screwed up, evidenced by rare zipped lips from Gene Upshaw, Jesse Jackson, the Reverend Al Sharpton and anyone else with half a brain and a quart…

What I Want to Know, Mr. Football Man

According to Dave Richard, CBS Sportsline’s senior fantasy writer (a job I used to hold at Hustler, incidentally), “There isn’t a team in the NFC with as many startable Fantasy options as the Dallas Cowboys.” Among his every-week picks to click: Tony Romo, Julius Jones, Marion Barber, Terrell Owens, Terry…

Are You Ready For Some More Football (Reading)?

You’re tired of meaningless, pre-season games. Tired of hollow, irrelevant complaining and waffling from Greg Ellis. What you, the Cowboys fan, need is a time-warp to September 9. Until then, a couple of options. If you want to meet ‘n’ greet the 2007 team all spiffied up in their formals,…

The Book on the NFC East

With one flag football game left before the new National Football League season means something, it’s a good time to pick up a book I’m having a hard time putting down: Mark Maske’s brand-new tome War Without Death: A Year of Extreme Competition in Pro Football’s NFC East. It’s a…

Dog Eat Dawg

I’ll have much more in this week’s paper version of Unfair Park, but in the wake of Atlanta Falcons quarterback Michael Vick’s officially pleading guilty to dogfighting charges this morning in Richmond, Virgina, I thought I’d pass along this interesting nugget: Chihuahuas are meaner than pit bulls. Huh? True, according…

Practice Makes Perfect?

A little something-something for the ladies: Terrell Owens, sporting a very nice hat Tony Romo is healthy. Terrell Owens is happy. And, at 2-0, the Cowboys’ Super Bowl train is preparing to leave the station. OK, let’s not get carried away. In their last game the Cowboys scored only one…

Ask the General Manager

We can think of a million questions for Jon Daniels, none of which we’d care to repeat in public at the moment. Got any questions for Texas Rangers general manager Jon Daniels? And, no, “How do you keep your job?” is not acceptable in this instance — at least, not…

30-3: Only the Eighth-Greatest Beatdown Ever?

In honor of the Ranger’s 30-3 ass-whupping last night of the Baltimore Orioles, ESPN has compiled a list of the “greatest beatdowns” in sports history. The Ranger’s epic win last night (which left the network’s resident seamhead, Tim Kurkijian, so giddy his voice was cracking as he broke it down)…

Balls of Fury

By now you’re likely well aware it’s one of the most historic scores in the history of baseball: 30-3, with Your Texas Rangers topping Baltimore in the first game of a two-fer yesterday at Camden Yards. You know this already, but you should check out today’s The Baltimore Sun, which…

Alternate Route

This column is being delivered in a whisper. Don’t want to wake the devil, you know. The one named T.O., which sits opposite the microscopic angel on the shoulder of Terrell Eldorado Owens. Keep him slumbering and the Dallas Cowboys just might wind up in the Super Bowl. Provoke him…

Full Of Love. And Sports.

Akin Ayodele wants Tony Romo’s publicist. His stylist too, no doubt. The woman who only recently began watching football is suddenly tackling some of the biggest and best Dallas Cowboys. You may remember Vivian Fullerlove — you know, the anti-Kim Etheredge. While T.O.’s former mouthpiece was bathing the entire publicist…

Hard Ball in the Courtroom

A Friend of Unfair Park shoots us a fascinating, inside-baseball lawsuit filed Tuesday in Tarrant County. In it, the Texas Collegiate Baseball League, the 4-year-old college summer baseball league, accuses seven of its teams of conspiring to take control of the league or destroy it altogether. It’s a long story…

Tony Romo’s Shirt by Levi’s

The September GQ, with Barack Obama on the cover, features the, ugh, “Young Guns” of the National Football League — such QBs as Vince Young, Matt Leinart, Jamarcus Russell, Brady Quinn and Ben Roethlisberger. But none of ’em gets the spread bestowed upon Tony Romo — whose “exhilarating debut made…

“H-O-O-P-S Yes!” Um, Well, Maybe?

Soccer’s the new poker, if the talk around the poker table last night was any evidence. Seems all the kids wanna talk about is soccer — pardon, “football,” though I am not about to take that shit from a guy born and raised in Dallas who really oughta know better…

Bob Hayes is Resting in Peace, If Only You Could Find Him

Almost one month ago, there appeared in the Florida Times-Union a story I’ve yet to hear or see commented upon locally: Bob Hayes, holder of more than 20 Dallas Cowboys records (including 71 career TDs and 20 yards per reception), is buried in an unmarked grave in his hometown of…

‘Roid Rage

My 10-year-old son: Isn’t that Barry Bonds? Me: Yep. My 10-year-old son: Didn’t he take drugs? Isn’t he a cheater? Me: Yep. My 10-year-old son: Then why is everybody cheering for him? Me: Because he…well…Hmm. Hold that thought… Don Hooton, I need your advice. Your 17-year-old son, Taylor, took steroids…

Before Romo, There Was Henson

Remember Drew Henson? C’mon — he was gonna be the next Troy Aikman, before Tony Romo took the mantle. Nine years ago, he was drafted by the New York Yankees — a five-year deal, including a signing bonus worth $2 mil. But instead of going straight into baseball, he opts…