New York Giants safety and Dallas Cowboys wide receiver Terrell Owens are, like, what? Twelve-year-olds? Millionaire middle-schoolers? Because in case you haven’t been following this “story,” seems the two men are fighting over a finger — as in, did T.O. shoot Wilson the bird during Sunday night’s game at Texas…
Apparently, there is no GQ curse, as Tony Romo tossed for 345 yards and four TDs. But what the hell is Roy WIlliams’ excuse? See. See what happens when you have a head coach who plays to win instead of plays not to lose. This is what happens: Tony Romo…
Remember, kids, gambling on the Pokes with real money is illegal, so don’t get caught. Nothing better than watching the Cowboys win, right? Unless, that is, you watch the Cowboys win while getting a naked rubdown from this chick and having them cover the spread as the sixth winner in…
We’ve decided to skip hockey season in 2007-’08 and just watch our special-edition bootleg DVD of Youngblood with Rob Lowe. The Dallas Stars will hold their annual “Ice Breaker” on Saturday. And, lemme guess, they’ll stage their annual “Heatbreaker” come April? ‘Twas five months ago the Stars bowed out of…
Remember back when Greg Ellis was a good guy? Before the position change grousing and the contract complaints and the trade demands and the retirement threats and the career-jeopardizing injury, he was one of the Dallas Cowboys’ best players and best people. Not anymore. Not right now. It’s been a…
Bill Parcells, before hunky got a little chunky OK, I’m promising myself this won’t deteriorate into a season of Bill bashing. And it won’t. But since the NFL season doesn’t technically start until tomorrow night, can I get in one more (last?) crotch-kick to Coach Parcells? Thanks. If you missed…
Uh-oh. For SMU’s over-matched, underwhelming football team, Labor Day felt a lot like Groundhog Day. Before a hopeful (that is, naïve) crowd and horrified (which is to say, realistic) national television audience, the Mustangs got absolutely plastered and humiliated by Texas Tech. Again. Tech has beaten SMU 12 straight times,…
Arlington’s Jeremy Wariner, at right, winning the 400 in Athens in 2004 — the dude doesn’t know to lose. Arlington’s own Jeremy Wariner added another trophy to his mantle, dominating the 400-meter dash today at the World Track Championships in Osaka, Japan. Wariner ran a 43.45, more than .51 seconds…
The Stars re-signed Jussi Jokinen, the Rangers committed to Ron Washington through 2009, and the Mavs still haven’t added anything except this spare part. I know, you don’t give a da-yum. Honestly, me neither. ‘Cuz tomorrow the calendar changes to September, and the season changes to football! The Cowboys slept-walked…
The September 10 issue of Time — which is not yet online — contains 10 questions for Your Dallas Cowboys’ wide receiver Terrell Owens. And it’s just brilliant, brilliant — if only for the queries posed by Randall L. Dunn of Cincinnati and Patrick Hurley of Buffalo:…
Hear that? The silence. The eerie nothingness. The unequivocal lack of support. It’s quiet confirmation that Atlanta Falcons quarterback Michael Vick really, really, really screwed up, evidenced by rare zipped lips from Gene Upshaw, Jesse Jackson, the Reverend Al Sharpton and anyone else with half a brain and a quart…
According to Dave Richard, CBS Sportsline’s senior fantasy writer (a job I used to hold at Hustler, incidentally), “There isn’t a team in the NFC with as many startable Fantasy options as the Dallas Cowboys.” Among his every-week picks to click: Tony Romo, Julius Jones, Marion Barber, Terrell Owens, Terry…
You’re tired of meaningless, pre-season games. Tired of hollow, irrelevant complaining and waffling from Greg Ellis. What you, the Cowboys fan, need is a time-warp to September 9. Until then, a couple of options. If you want to meet ‘n’ greet the 2007 team all spiffied up in their formals,…
With one flag football game left before the new National Football League season means something, it’s a good time to pick up a book I’m having a hard time putting down: Mark Maske’s brand-new tome War Without Death: A Year of Extreme Competition in Pro Football’s NFC East. It’s a…
I’ll have much more in this week’s paper version of Unfair Park, but in the wake of Atlanta Falcons quarterback Michael Vick’s officially pleading guilty to dogfighting charges this morning in Richmond, Virgina, I thought I’d pass along this interesting nugget: Chihuahuas are meaner than pit bulls. Huh? True, according…
A little something-something for the ladies: Terrell Owens, sporting a very nice hat Tony Romo is healthy. Terrell Owens is happy. And, at 2-0, the Cowboys’ Super Bowl train is preparing to leave the station. OK, let’s not get carried away. In their last game the Cowboys scored only one…
We can think of a million questions for Jon Daniels, none of which we’d care to repeat in public at the moment. Got any questions for Texas Rangers general manager Jon Daniels? And, no, “How do you keep your job?” is not acceptable in this instance — at least, not…
In honor of the Ranger’s 30-3 ass-whupping last night of the Baltimore Orioles, ESPN has compiled a list of the “greatest beatdowns” in sports history. The Ranger’s epic win last night (which left the network’s resident seamhead, Tim Kurkijian, so giddy his voice was cracking as he broke it down)…
By now you’re likely well aware it’s one of the most historic scores in the history of baseball: 30-3, with Your Texas Rangers topping Baltimore in the first game of a two-fer yesterday at Camden Yards. You know this already, but you should check out today’s The Baltimore Sun, which…
This column is being delivered in a whisper. Don’t want to wake the devil, you know. The one named T.O., which sits opposite the microscopic angel on the shoulder of Terrell Eldorado Owens. Keep him slumbering and the Dallas Cowboys just might wind up in the Super Bowl. Provoke him…
Thank you, Sports Illustrated. Because of you, we have a reason to finally post the following infamous clip that you should definitely not watch before, during or immediately after lunch. To wit: Someday Riley Dodge would like to be known as the first quarterback to lead Southlake Carroll High to…
Akin Ayodele wants Tony Romo’s publicist. His stylist too, no doubt. The woman who only recently began watching football is suddenly tackling some of the biggest and best Dallas Cowboys. You may remember Vivian Fullerlove — you know, the anti-Kim Etheredge. While T.O.’s former mouthpiece was bathing the entire publicist…
