How ‘Bout Them Cowboys’ Price Tag?

If you wanna know why Your Dallas Cowboys are worth $1.5 billion, here’s most of your reason right here. For the first time in eight years, Your Dallas Cowboys are the most valuable franchise in the National Football League — thanks to, you guessed it, that billion-dollar stadium Jerry Jones…

Texas Safety, Not So Safe

Apparently, Tyrell Gatewood just needs to stay out of the car. Bad news, Longhorn fans: “Texas senior safety Tyrell Gatewood remained in jail Thursday after his arrest on drug charges, the fifth arrest of a Longhorns player since June.” Also popped in the arrest was freshman defensive back Ben Wells,…

Romo Arigato

Considering his expansive portfolio, Jerry Jones seems a bright businessman. That’s why Tony Romo should receive a new contract. Today. Why wait? Evidenced by his scintillating five-touchdown performance in last Sunday night’s 45-35 season-opening win over the New York Giants, the Dallas Cowboys are blessed with one of the best—perhaps…

Dallas Sports Elite Swank It Up for Awards

Just give us the highlights, Scott. There won’t be a red carpet per se, but if you want to ooooh and ahhhh at the most swank of Dallas sports dignitaries all dressed up with somewhere to go, Tuesday is the night and The Fairmont Hotel is the place. It’s the…

Cuban to Launch UFC-Style Fighting Show

Apparently, Cubes ain’t content just dancing with the stars. Tomorrow, our favorite billionaire will announce a new show on his cable network called HDNet Fights, which isn’t much different than the Friday Night Fights show the network has already been airing. The main difference is that instead of relying on…

Kid Rock’s Gonna Screw Up My Cowboys-Bills Game

This is why I will be watching the October 8 Dallas Cowboys-Buffalo Bills game with the TV sound turned down and the radio broadcast cranked up. ESPN and some record labels are hopping into bed together to pimp their product — specifically, Monday Night Football and such acts as the…

Finger Fight

New York Giants safety and Dallas Cowboys wide receiver Terrell Owens are, like, what? Twelve-year-olds? Millionaire middle-schoolers? Because in case you haven’t been following this “story,” seems the two men are fighting over a finger — as in, did T.O. shoot Wilson the bird during Sunday night’s game at Texas…

Dynamic Debut

Apparently, there is no GQ curse, as Tony Romo tossed for 345 yards and four TDs. But what the hell is Roy WIlliams’ excuse? See. See what happens when you have a head coach who plays to win instead of plays not to lose. This is what happens: Tony Romo…

You Betcha

Remember, kids, gambling on the Pokes with real money is illegal, so don’t get caught. Nothing better than watching the Cowboys win, right? Unless, that is, you watch the Cowboys win while getting a naked rubdown from this chick and having them cover the spread as the sixth winner in…

On Thin Ice

We’ve decided to skip hockey season in 2007-’08 and just watch our special-edition bootleg DVD of Youngblood with Rob Lowe. The Dallas Stars will hold their annual “Ice Breaker” on Saturday. And, lemme guess, they’ll stage their annual “Heatbreaker” come April? ‘Twas five months ago the Stars bowed out of…

Ellis Island

Remember back when Greg Ellis was a good guy? Before the position change grousing and the contract complaints and the trade demands and the retirement threats and the career-jeopardizing injury, he was one of the Dallas Cowboys’ best players and best people. Not anymore. Not right now. It’s been a…

Seared Tuna

Bill Parcells, before hunky got a little chunky OK, I’m promising myself this won’t deteriorate into a season of Bill bashing. And it won’t. But since the NFL season doesn’t technically start until tomorrow night, can I get in one more (last?) crotch-kick to Coach Parcells? Thanks. If you missed…

Guns Up 49, Pony Up 9

Uh-oh. For SMU’s over-matched, underwhelming football team, Labor Day felt a lot like Groundhog Day. Before a hopeful (that is, naïve) crowd and horrified (which is to say, realistic) national television audience, the Mustangs got absolutely plastered and humiliated by Texas Tech. Again. Tech has beaten SMU 12 straight times,…

Jeremy Wariner Gets Matt Pulle’s Heart Racing Just a Little

Arlington’s Jeremy Wariner, at right, winning the 400 in Athens in 2004 — the dude doesn’t know to lose. Arlington’s own Jeremy Wariner added another trophy to his mantle, dominating the 400-meter dash today at the World Track Championships in Osaka, Japan. Wariner ran a 43.45, more than .51 seconds…

Only One More Shopping Day Till Football Season

The Stars re-signed Jussi Jokinen, the Rangers committed to Ron Washington through 2009, and the Mavs still haven’t added anything except this spare part. I know, you don’t give a da-yum. Honestly, me neither. ‘Cuz tomorrow the calendar changes to September, and the season changes to football! The Cowboys slept-walked…

T.O. Takes Time to Answer 10 Questions

The September 10 issue of Time — which is not yet online — contains 10 questions for Your Dallas Cowboys’ wide receiver Terrell Owens. And it’s just brilliant, brilliant — if only for the queries posed by Randall L. Dunn of Cincinnati and Patrick Hurley of Buffalo:…

Wat Up, Dawg?

Hear that? The silence. The eerie nothingness. The unequivocal lack of support. It’s quiet confirmation that Atlanta Falcons quarterback Michael Vick really, really, really screwed up, evidenced by rare zipped lips from Gene Upshaw, Jesse Jackson, the Reverend Al Sharpton and anyone else with half a brain and a quart…

What I Want to Know, Mr. Football Man

According to Dave Richard, CBS Sportsline’s senior fantasy writer (a job I used to hold at Hustler, incidentally), “There isn’t a team in the NFC with as many startable Fantasy options as the Dallas Cowboys.” Among his every-week picks to click: Tony Romo, Julius Jones, Marion Barber, Terrell Owens, Terry…

Are You Ready For Some More Football (Reading)?

You’re tired of meaningless, pre-season games. Tired of hollow, irrelevant complaining and waffling from Greg Ellis. What you, the Cowboys fan, need is a time-warp to September 9. Until then, a couple of options. If you want to meet ‘n’ greet the 2007 team all spiffied up in their formals,…

The Book on the NFC East

With one flag football game left before the new National Football League season means something, it’s a good time to pick up a book I’m having a hard time putting down: Mark Maske’s brand-new tome War Without Death: A Year of Extreme Competition in Pro Football’s NFC East. It’s a…

Dog Eat Dawg

I’ll have much more in this week’s paper version of Unfair Park, but in the wake of Atlanta Falcons quarterback Michael Vick’s officially pleading guilty to dogfighting charges this morning in Richmond, Virgina, I thought I’d pass along this interesting nugget: Chihuahuas are meaner than pit bulls. Huh? True, according…

Practice Makes Perfect?

A little something-something for the ladies: Terrell Owens, sporting a very nice hat Tony Romo is healthy. Terrell Owens is happy. And, at 2-0, the Cowboys’ Super Bowl train is preparing to leave the station. OK, let’s not get carried away. In their last game the Cowboys scored only one…