Anaheimlich Maneuver

IGN.com We kinda like the idea of the videogame version of Marty Turco between the pipes rather than the real deal come playoff time. The Dallas Stars are in post-season form. Which, of course, is horrible news. As has become a dreaded spring tradition, they’re again teasing, tantalizing but, ultimately,…

Oh and 162?

You know who we blame for the Rangers’ 0-3 start. No, not this guy. Why would we do that? C’mon. Three games. Three losses. One reminder: Your Dallas Mavericks started 0-4. But after watching the Texas Rangers get absolutely bludgeoned in Anaheim, my dollar — on second thought, my million…

Mood Swings

Doctors took Rudy Jaramillo’s cancer. They couldn’t touch his charisma. On a glorious spring training afternoon in Mesa, Arizona, baseball’s best hitting coach walks into Hohokam Stadium and is immediately mobbed. Chicago Cubs and former Texas Rangers slugger Alfonso Soriano, who last year hit 46 homers and 41 doubles, dances…

Eight Runs, Reruns — All the Same to the Rangers

I still can’t believe this is how Ed Bark spends his time: watching local TV ratings so, thank God, the rest of us don’t have to. And I do love this tidbit from this morning’s ratings recap: The Mavs’ hardfought, Dirk-less road win over the Sacramento Kings averaged 171,360 homes…

Reunited, And It Feels So Good

Babe Laufenberg’s back in the Cowboys’ booth, so what does that mean for his TV gig? How ’bout some Cowboys-related issues to chew on while waiting around today for this total waste of time and another Rangers loss in Anaheim? As predicted, Babe Laufenberg will return to the Cowboys’ radio…

You Better, You Bust

Michael Farber at SI.com just posted a great piece about Dallas Stars goalie Marty Turco, the amazing regular-season netminder who always seems to choke in the post-season. Love the opening-paragraph anecdote: The food was exquisite, the evening historic. On the March night that Mike Modano became the second U.S.-born player…

How Many Times Does a Guy Have to Say “No,” Anyway?

At this moment, 836 people want Mark Cuban to own the Chicago Cubs; it’s science, you can look it up. Now you can add to that list Alan Schwarz of The New York Times, who this morning goes where Radar Online’s has gone before: to the Cuban’s buying the Chicago…

Check That, Mavs Win!

The last time the Mavs won a division, the team looked a whole lot different. I know, the Mavericks played like April fools in Phoenix Sunday afternoon. But the day wasn’t a total loss. In fact, it was a major win. How’s that? After Dallas’ ugly loss, the San Antonio…

Fore! Play!

No, check that, the new PGA Superstore in Plano isn’t just a teasing appetizer, it’s downright orgasmic. If, that is, you get aroused milling around an old Home Depot warehouse filled with sports memorabilia, a gazillion Izods, two bajillion clubs, a tennis court, a putting green, a chipping area complete…

Jerry Jones Builds Giant Shell for TV Set

Baseball commissioner Bud Selig has come under fire — from, of all places, Congress, which clearly has nothing else to worry about — for Major League Baseball’s $700-mil deal with DirecTV, which airs the league’s “Extra Innings” package that lets viewers get about 60 outta-town games every week for $160,…

Well, That’s Why They Call it “F?tbol.”

Not even the appearance of former Jesuit star Kenny Cooper was enough to make yesterday’s soccer game in Frisco worth attending…or watching. Sounds like yesterday’s soccer game between the U.S. and Guatemalan national teams was a snoozer at Frisco’s Pizza Hut Park. The crowd got up when local star Kenny…

Welcome Wagon

Tony Blei Sammy Sosa was more than so-so this spring. Which doesn’t mean anything, we know. Less’n he can pitch. The Texas Rangers invite you to show up tonight as the team returns from spring training. Especially if you can pitch. I praise the Rangers’ pitching staff one day, and…

(Definitely Not) America’s Team

This is the controversial film Mark Cuban’s about to distribute. Discuss. You know you want to. Wrap yourself in the flag, slap another “Support Our Troops” magnet on your pickup and crank the Toby Keith, ‘cuz this is gonna test every last drop of your American red blood. Doubly so…

So Here’s To You, Mr. Robinson

Robinson Tejeda will pitch Your Texas Rangers’ home opener in a few days. Oh…joy? The Rangers’ pitching staff looks decent — which, putting it in perspective, means it’s as good as any time since the late 1990s. Kevin Millwood’s a workhorse ace. Vicente Padilla is a bulldog. And newcomer Brandon…

Check That, Everything Isn’t Bigger In Texas

I dunno, maybe it’s because I’m all baseball-fevering out here at Rangers spring training. Or maybe I’m saving my basketball jones for the Mavs’ playoff run. Whatever, I just don’t have the March Madness this year. Watched some games last night at a crummy little sports bar in Peoria (where’s…

Red Bull

Last time, I bounded down the stairs into the exclusive basement of Sipango for his going-away party. “Jay-SOWN!” I crowed, an obnoxious nod to our mutual affinity for Adam Sandler’s “Cajun Man” character on Saturday Night Live. This time, I wait for an hour in a secluded conference room at…

So-So Sosa

MESA, ARIZONA — I come to you today live from HoHoKam Park, better known as Wrigley West. It’s the little ballpark here where the Chicago Cubs hibernate in the winter. The quaint joint is littered with retirees with bald heads, beer bellies and baseball scorebooks. There are as many walkers…

Popeye Jones Musta Taken His Spinach

Last night, before the Mavs throttled the Knicks in NYC, somebody with a video cam was recording Erick Dampier taking a few warm-up shots. What they caught was something accidentally spectacular: this shot by former Mav-turned-Dallas assistant coach Popeye Jones, who’s one of four on the player development staff. In…

Surprise, Surprise, Surprise

Is it us, or does Eric Gagne look like Seth Rogen from The 40-Year-Old Virgin? SURPRISE, ARIZONA — No, this guy didn’t show up and go dumb yesterday afternoon here at Texas Rangers spring training. But this guy went deep. Twice. Which, for a team in desperate need of some…