Yesterday, it rained on and off for the whole day. And today, it appears that the rain is here to stay all day. Look for that text about your kid’s school closing. It’s only a matter of time. Upon hearing that school districts were considering closing early due to “heavy…
If the National Weather Service is to be believed, Dallas will receive further proof that climate change is a lie created, just like the internet, by former vice president Al Gore. After an arctic front moves through North Texas overnight Tuesday, rapidly dropping temperatures will be accompanied by freezing rain,…
Lest you have any illusions about Dallasites’ becoming less car dependent or more adept at driving in winter weather, here’s the Google traffic map for the city as of about noon (the red is bad, very, very, bad). And heaven forbid you think about taking an Uber. As of writing,…
As foretold by Saint Delkus the Wise’ Monday prophecy, Dallas is going to get some more shitty weather, starting this morning. The National Weather Service has issued a Winter Weather Advisory for most of North Texas, including Dallas County, that predicts up to two inches of snow on Friday, then…
Don’t say we didn’t warn you. WFAA weather personality Pete Delkus, in the form of his odd new smoking-jacket and cigar accessorized avatar, has announced what we’ve known for quite some time. He can, and does, control the weather.Looks like tomorrow could be another snow day kiddies! I’ll let you…
Listen. This is Texas. The roads in this state should not look like the time we accidentally left the freezer open all weekend, and returned only to close it and look away, hoping for the best. The best is not what happened, though — it was instead the very worst…
All of the schools are closed. You find yourself stuck at home with your own children. They want to go outside and run in the sleet, but you have been told by various important weather outlets that #SLEETSHOW2015 is no joke, and that going outside can only mean certain death…
Dallas’ most favored weather oracle, Saint Delkus the Wise, brings news that later this week North Texas shall again be the object of God’s wrath. Yes, later this week, after having been given the briefest of respites following the plague of #sleetshow2015, Dallas will again face the trauma of weather…
Local weather forecasters including Pete Delkus, CBS11Larry, and your mama predicted that sleet would rain down upon us all last night, and it sure did. (For my fellow Native Texans, “sleet,” of course, in meteorological terms is the petulant baby that is created when snow and rain do The Nasty.)…
Twitter has informed Unfair Park that today is National Weather Person day. In deference to local weather god Pete Delkus, we’re celebrating by remembering a year ago tomorrow, when we all laughed at a storm shaped like a dick. Total snow for DFW still expected around 1″. Snow is light/fluffy…
Punxsutawney Phil (whose full name, for the record, is Punxsutawney Phil, Seer of Seers, Sage of Sages, Prognosticator of Prognosticators and Weather Prophet Extraordinary) has been predicting the weather since Groundhog Day began in 1886. His predictions are simple and straightforward: It’s either six more weeks of winter, or we’re…
Yes, tomorrow would be the perfect time to put the finishing touches on that ark you’ve been building for this exact circumstance, because come Monday we will all be living the reality Kevin Costner so boldly hinted at in his magnum opus Waterworld…
It’s on the way!! RT @RyanMaue: Next week’s Arctic blast will threaten 41 States and 250,179,444 people pic.twitter.com/MR78ssJVVL— Pete Delkus (@wfaaweather) November 6, 2014 Suck it, boring sunny weather. Now we have something to live in fear of. The chaos of a Dallas winter begins again in earnest next week,…
So, Dallas, that was the summer of our lifetimes. Today marks the day where average temperatures begin to drop, continuing their inevitable decline towards whatever horrors Winter 2014 has in store for us. Let’s not focus on the inevitable entombment of Dallas in ice quite yet, though. Let’s think to…
That was a crap weekend, wasn’t it? Well it was if, unlike me, you went outside at all. The outside is over for all of us until Texas bucks its ideas up. Guess what though? Texas is about to buck its ideas up…
I don’t know if you can analyze weather like what I can (I also type good) but if you’ve even glanced at one of those funny colored-in maps they have out there on those weather stations, you’ll be aware that tomorrow is going to look very bright. Bright in the…
So, what are you doing right now? You’re inside, right? You might be living inside a fridge, or lying, face down, by an air vent, or maybe having an angry fight with a fellow employee over the thermostat. It’s probably one of those things. Well, that’s only going to get…
That’s right, Dallas. Apparently Saturday marks the first day of Summer, according to Delkus anyway, which means no further research is necessary. All this can possibly mean is discomfort, sunburn, pain, short fuses, and an inevitable exquisitely painful death…
The National Weather Service and International Research Institute for Climate and Society at Columbia University announced Friday that the groups were bumping their estimation of the likelihood of a summer El Niño this year to 70 percent. Depending on where you get your online news, this was either potentially fantastic…
It could only have been fate that steered me to Al Roker this morning. Just one week after I changed the route of my Farmers Market-to-Oak Lawn bike commute, shifting from one plowing straight through Downtown and McKinney Avenue to one skirting the edges past City Hall and Victory Park,…
Memorial Day. Now, I don’t know exactly what Memorial Day is, being from abroad. I’m not letting that stop me from speculating, however. As it is an American holiday in almost-summer I’m going to assume you have idyllic plans. Apple pie, grilling, family members, monster trucks, shooting animals, grossly misunderstanding…
We step away from our usual prediction of the weather in Dallas to say hello to everyone in Fort Worth! Hello Fort Worth! We haven’t forgotten about you. In fact we have a very special NSFW FW post ready for you. NSFW, of course, stands for No Shit, Fort Worth!…
