Why Do Mexican Men Like Classic Cars?

Dear Mexican: What is it about Mexicans and collecting old cars? I have three Mexican neighbors with middle-class incomes but in each case, when the old car or truck wouldn’t run anymore, they would buy a nearly new replacement and then just let the old clunker sit in the driveway…

Closing the School-to-Prison Pipeline

All right, wait, what are we talking about again? The new superintendent of schools and the people he hired and did he follow the right procedures in hiring them and did he pay them too much money and stuff like that. Yeah. That’s what I’ve been talking about, anyway. But…

No, I Do Not Want A Skinny Booze Anything

I was recently asked if I’d ever had a skinny margarita. “You mean, like, in a sex-type way?” No, it turns out they just mean a lower-calorie margarita. “Is that a fancy way of ordering two shots of tequila with salt and a lime?” Apparently, it’s not. Ordering drinks “skinny”…

How a Small Band Can Get a Big-Name Producer

Are you a musician? Is your group having issues? Ask Fan Landers! Critic Jessica Hopper has played in and managed bands, toured internationally, booked shows, produced records, worked as a publicist, and is the author of The Girls’ Guide to Rocking, a how-to for teen ladies. She is here to…

Five Awesome UK Rock Bands That Never Made it in the US

While the UK-US flow of music has become more than the steady one-way stream of US rock of the last two decades (presumably thanks to the internet), I’ve noticed you enjoy importing our wimpiest bands, like the dull drone of Mumford and Sons or the operatic cock-rock of Muse. Here…

Will the Trigger Happy Drive the Post-Newtown Gun Debate?

Sometimes it feels like we grab the gun issue by the tail instead of the head. It’s always about ultimate constitutional rights and last-ditch defense measures. But the real face of the gun question isn’t some kind of semi-reluctant insistence on a necessary evil. It’s sheer joy. The real issue…

Do Mexicans Cause the Closures of Hospitals?

Dear Mexican: Is Lou Dobbs right when he says that close to 80 hospitals in California have been closed because of the illegals, or is he lying? Cabrónes No Necesitamos Dear CNN: Dobbs is right to a certain point, and only in spite of his idiocy. The father of two…

Bad to the Bone

An odd sense of kinship came to me recently when I read an essay by New York writer Andrew Solomon about his new book Far From the Tree, in which he examines and gives voice to Tom and Sue Klebold, parents of Dylan Klebold, who with his friend Eric Harris…

Fish McBites Are Back, and I Can’t Figure Out Why

Last February I saw a blog post announcing McDonald’s latest and greatest offering. Fish McBites were introduced at the start of Lent to give Catholics a way to torture themselves through Easter Sunday. I ordered a small cardboard container of the fish nuggets and ate two or three before I…

Let’s Take a Day Away from Anger and Talk about Dogs

Oh, it’s the very last day of the year, and I’m just not going to write about that damned fiscal cliff thing because it makes me so angry, and I don’t feel like ending the year on that note. I want one day off from angry, if you don’t mind…

I Swore Off Pets Forever, and Then These Two Came Along

This holiday season we are sharing our home with two rescue dogs, and, yes, frankly, I do believe it makes me holier than thou, thank you for asking. I think it makes me a saint. We had a long series of dog deaths, two while walking. Don’t even ask about…