Status: Yellow Weight: 167.8 ( -3.3) Mood: Hungry Horny Horrified Few times in a man’s life he finds himself running around the house, repeatedly gagging and pleading to anyone on his block, “Forget it, I want a dirty colon! I want a dirty colon!!” Try drinking a quart of warm…
Status: Green Weight: 171.1 Mood: Optimistic Committed Apprehensive So, this is it? 2009 rings in and we’re left to deal with no Cowboys, medicore Mavericks and a hockey team void of Brenden Morrow, Sean Avery and post-season potential? Bor-ring. I know, let’s spice things up a bit. With a pinch…
*In 2009, I’m going to change. Totally change. I’m going to develop an appreciation for sour cream, reality shows and Brett Favre. I will start tipping 20% to every waitperson because, after all, that’s what I’m supposed to do. I will be understanding of white pickup trucks that tailgate me and…
This is the time of year when most people who do what I do for a living write about what they think will happen in the year ahead. In other words, they take the day off. But I prefer to view the future through my own lens. What warms my…
Editor’s note: The Mexican is taking the holiday week off, so this week’s column is a rerun of one of his favorites from 2007. Dear Mexican: How do Mexicans get such ridiculous nicknames from seemingly normal names? For instance, José becomes Chepe, Eduardo is Lalo, Gabriel becomes Gabi, and Guillermo…
I actually love the way news pops up in The Dallas Morning News. I pick up the paper every single morning and feel as though I’m visiting a foreign city for the first time. Every story, even the most mundane, is a forehead-slapper, because I have no idea what they’re…
*I seem to be fresh out of cash, but I’ll betcha some leftover Christmas fruitcake that the Cowboys don’t win in Philly Sunday. A team that leads the league in penalties, can’t get in sync on something as simple as the center-quarterback snap, and allows the longest back-to-back running plays…
Go for a helicopter ride with me, will you? Let’s look down on Dallas from some perspective. And, uh, sit a few inches farther away from me and keep that air sickness bag handy if you don’t mind. Last week I reported on a powerful senior member of Congress, Eddie…
Dear Mexican: I was driving home on old King Road in San Jose, California, where a bunch of Mexicans live, and I noticed that almost every house has their Christmas lights still hanging from the rafters and reindeer and Santa Claus decorations weathered by the hot sun on the roofs…
Santa came to my desk a day early. I have been papering City Hall with public-records requests for several weeks, and today, just in time, I finally got the one document I was hoping for: the written proposal to developer Richard Allen from three businessmen who wanted to be his…
Wick Allison committed an act of journalism today by calling Dallas Mayor Tom Leppert and asking him if he’s going to run for Kay Bailey Hutchison’s seat. Leppert gave him an answer that was not “No,” which, in the language of politics, means “Yes.” Only, he didn’t say yes.The reason…
The Dallas Morning News says in an editorial today that voters should support a half-billion-dollar taxpayer-owned hotel downtown near the convention center and reject a ballot proposal next May that would stop the city from building it. The News says people shouldn’t worry about whether we’re headed into a economic…
Whether you’re at the end of your rope or merely the end of your week – even the end of the year – welcome to Whitt’s End: *Hold your horses if you thought tonight’s concert by Russ Martin and his band at Joe Avezzano’s joint up in Frisco was going to A)…
This should be said: One of the heroes in the otherwise ugly stupid saga of the inland port development in Southern Dallas has been Dallas County Judge Jim Foster.First of all: He figured it out. A very good source close to the county commissioners told me, “He’s like a little…
Back in August I started with a mythical bankroll of $10,000, courtesy of Bodog Online Gaming. First of all, because their site is easy to navigate. Second, because they’re based in Costa Rica and have had minimal success tracking me down in the past. I was to analyze games of local interest…
It may not be Blago in Chicago, but it’s definitely malice in Dallas. In fact the word that keeps popping up in relation to a master plan effort for the city’s proposed inland port is shakedown. For a long time, Dallas Mayor Tom Leppert, Dallas County Commissioner John Wiley Price…
Dear Readers: A couple of columnas ago, I published a short list of my favorite books regarding Mexicans and Mexican-Americans and urged ustedes to submit better choices so that gabachos can have a Christmas shopping list for their favorite Mexicans, or to understand nosotros better. Muchos responded, and below is…
My apologies. In pronouncing the death of football as ancillary entertainment in our newfound era of recession, I somehow overlooked a fledgling league of scantily clad females. Let it be known that is the first – and last – time I ever type that sentence. Turns out the Lingerie Football League is set to…
I’m working on a new theory of life. I used to think the City of Dallas was obviously the big cheese in the region — the wheel — and that all of the little surrounding municipalities were sort of cheese wedges. Maybe I had it wrong. Maybe Dallas has cheese…
When even football can’t survive, we’re officially in a recession. The Arena Football League – home to your Dallas Desperados – announced this morning that it has canceled its 2009 season because – you guessed it – shitty financial times. Actually, I believe the official wording is “suspending the 2009…
Whether you’re at the end of your rope or merely the end of your week, welcome to Whitt’s End: *I got $1 for the first person who can show me – like Tony Romo did last week – any time that Terrell Owens has ever uttered the phrase: “This one’s…
I’ll have much much much more on Terrell Owens, Tony Romo and the impending Dallas Star-Telegram later today. But for now, gimme them dice. I’m on a roll: Down to my last wager a few weeks back, we’re now within one winner of actually outfitting you guys in sexy, shining…
