You Can Be Kevin Tighe. But I Get to Be Randolph Mantooth.

I briefly considered getting a Prius, till I was informed they’re only for earth-hating douchebags. So, instead, I think I’ll pick up a used 2001 Greater Dallas EMS ambulance, currently available on eBay for $22,800 — which sounds a bit high, given the 233,230 miles, but it does come fully loaded with all the EMS equipment a hobbyist paramedic could ever need. And, on the plus side, I’ll never be late for anything ever again. And, finally, it’ll be much easier to re-enact episodes of Emergency! –Robert Wilonsky