Audio By Carbonatix
Creepy business dudes drooling on servers count: 8
Bard count: 0
Chaucer’s Sushi & Grill came up several times when I internetted “cheap sushi Dallas.” So I checked out their website, and let me tell you, the Chaucer’s website is more amazing than any website I have ever seen or will ever see. It includes an intro with a red curtain that opens to reveal freaking flags and a freaking drawbridge and a freaking castle. I think we all know that nothing goes with sushi like castle stuff. Even Nancy Nichols is like, “Duh, bitches. Sushi and castles go together like Heidi and Seal.”
But there’s no way the inside of this restaurant is actually decorated to look like a castle, right? WRONG. Did that. Fake stone archways (complete with fake ivy) are everywhere up in here. Even the shitters get one. Chaucer’s is the Medieval Times of sushi restaurants, you guys. I couldn’t wait for centaur sashimi and grog-battered veggie tempura platters.
I know what you’re thinking: In order to carry on the medieval theme, their servers are probably dressed as footmen and handing out copies of The Canterbury Tales, right? WRONG. Chaucer’s lady servers wear short skirts and dress like Hooters rejects! Makes sense!
And the music they play, that’s probably, like, some bard with a lute covering Sting’s latest solo album, right? NO. Chaucer’s has a Josey-Skateland-esque DJ booth and plays way-too-loud house music at 11 a.m. It’s what everyone wants! Plus neon lights and flat-screen televisions playing old episodes of Las Vegas, the TV series!!
Nothing about Chaucer’s makes any sense. Including the fact that at lunch, they offer sushi rolls three for $10. Who does that? Crazy people does that.
I ordered the Tornado roll (which boasted “chopped fresh fishes”), a tuna roll and a spicy salmon roll. They also send out a complimentary salad (iceberg, tomato, ginger dressing), which was — free. The rolls here were decent. The tuna roll was the best of the three by far, and if I were you, I’d definitely stick to the basics here. Except for the free salad. That, I’d punt. At that “Call Me Maybe” girl’s face.
