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Top Chef was pretty boring this week, even though they had Dana Cowen, editor of Fud & Wine Magazine, there to judge the QuickFire. (Dana has been on the show before, and she does not — how you say — fuck around, when it comes to judgery. If your food tastes like someone dumped in it, Cowen will let you know.) Plus, they had Tom Colicchio and Emeril Lagasse as team captains for the Thanksgiving elimination challenge.
See also: Top Chef Seattle: Padma Yells At Tesar, Valentine Yells At Mushrooms
This episode could’ve been full of explosions (was hoping McPherson would rip out her earrings and sous vide a bitch over a tomato bisque, or that Tesar and Valentine would make out), but mostly it was full of Carla yelling for no reason and McPherson not sous vide-ing anyone yet.
Someone Not From Dallas won the QuickFire.
Then, they played a rip-off of Mission: Impossible music as Tom and Emeril entered the room to pick their teams for the Thanksgiving elimination challenge. McPherson made some good stuffing. Then, 30 minutes of show happened and nobody we care about really fought or dropped anything or ripped hair out.
And then, after the nicest person ever on Top Chef was kicked off the show, the Tesar train finally showed up. He lectured McPherson a little about her performance.
That led CJ and Valentine to these faces:
Then, the nicest girl to ever be on Top Chef, Kuniko Yagi, was kicked off of Top Chef. They cut back to the remaining chefs, and Tesar says, “I’m one of her biggest fans, but you can do potatoes in your sleep as a chef.”
(Breaking: Tesar bones potatoes in his sleep.)
That comment led to this face from CJ:
Then, CJ says to Tesar, “Everything ends up being a lecture with you.”
Tesar is all, “You’re full of shit right now.”
Then, some dude makes this face:
Then, they show us the coming-ups for the next episodes, and Valentine says, “Don’t fuckin’ say another word to me. Cuz yer a prick.” Please put that on this season’s Top Chef shirt. Happy Nothing Really Happened On Top Chef Because The Figured Nobody’s Watching During Thanksgiving Thanksgiving Episode!
Predictions for next week: CJ slaps Tesar with a leftover turkey sandwich. With Miracle Whip on it. For shame.
