Mother's Day is a holiday for emotionally-inept cowards to meekly hand-over a bouquet of gas station flowers to someone that probably knows them too well to truly give a shit if they did anything or not. And why is it just one day? We should be honoring these women every day simply for being able to keep fleshy baby blobs alive to the point where they're able to buy pizza for themselves.
Hell, every time ANY parent manages to avoid raising another Adolf Hitler or Gavin Rossdale, they should be given some sort of congratulatory event -- a "Congrats, your kid is officially not a dickhead" kind of a thing.
But until then, we have one day a year that society expects us to honor these people, so you'd better do something. The problem is, while our hearts may be in the right place, we often display a real knack for mistaking a poorly-advised gift for a real expression of love. With that in mind, here are a few Mother's Day gifts that we're positive you should steer clear of.
6. Every T-Shirt Your Mom Threw Away
Remember when you bought that Charles Manson shirt you saw in an issue of Metal Maniacs back in 1997? The one that said "Charles Manson For President" on the front and "Charlie Don't Surf" on the back? I can promise you that even though over fifteen years have passed, your mother was thinking carefully when she threw that shirt and others away. She had hopes and dreams for you, once.
5. A Facial Tattoo
Even if you had one of those cool mothers that let you smoke weed in the basement with your friends, you're going to bum out the nice lady with your latest stick & poke sentiments. No cursive letters, ice cream cones or dessert treats of any varieties tattooed on mommy's favorite rosy cheeks. In fact, maybe stay away from all tattoos this Mother's Day. Yes, even the funny little heart with the banner on it that cartoon bullies have on their biceps.