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Ricky Martin will be performing at Verizon Theatre in Grand Prairie tomorrow night. And, yes, that kind of has our mouths watering.
No, not because we have a thing for the recently outed Latin singer, but because, gluttons that we are, our stomachs have always growled when we hear his song “Shake Your Bon-Bon.”
Sure, we know it’s not actually about the chocolate-covered ice cream treats. But a small part of us still sort of pretends it is.
Naturally (because we hadn’t eaten yet), this got us thinking about all the songs that make us hungry, but probably shouldn’t. See our list in full after the jump.
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Beck – “Loser”If getting crazy with the Cheez Whiz makes one a loser, then consider us world-class deadbeats.
Dean Martin – “That’s Amore”
Say what you want about our eyes. You had us at “pizza pie.”
Alan Jackson – “Chattahoochee”
We’ve gotta confess here: If saddled with the choice between sex and a grape sno-cone, we can’t always swear we wouldn’t go with the latter.
Blur – “Coffee and TV”
The best part of our two favorite pastimes (coffee drinking and TV watching) is that we can be “brain dead virtually” and still find them just as enjoyable.
Brian Wilson – “Vega-Tables”
In the song, Wilson asks us to name our favorite vegetable. Our answer? Any that have been dipped in cheese.
Big Boi – “Tangerine”
It really does nothing for us when most rappers name-drop Champagne brands like Cristal. But, hot sauce connoisseurs that we are, Big Boi shaking it “like some Texas Pete droppin’ on your collard greens” makes us extra giddy.
Kelis – “Milkshake”
Her milkshake may have brought us to the yard, but it was the McDonald’s chocolate triple thick that made us stay.
Jimmy Buffet – “Cheeseburger in Paradise“
Not so much a pop song as it is an ode to one of the greatest American inventions, and one of the most gormandizing songs of all time.
Wesley Willis – “Rock ‘n’ Roll McDonalds“
Who doesn’t love a good song that doles out bits of useful advice? Go to McDonald’s to rock, but when the Quarter Pounders put pounds on you remember that Wheaties are the breakfast of champions.
John Cougar – “Jack and Diane“
Nothing makes us more wistful than thinking of those fond memories of growing up, “sucking on chili dogs” with our best girl.
69 Boyz – “Tootsie Roll“
This song is about the candy, right?
The Beatles – “Savoy Truffle“
We’re too occupied drooling over all the desserts listed in the chorus to even consider giggling like Beavis and Butt-head about George saying “pulled out.” Well, almost.
Lonely Island – “Dream Girl“
Sure, it was supposed to be a joke, but we’ve had a bit of a thing for Chex Mix since hearing this song for the first time. Did you know they have 50 percent less fat than regular potato chips? No? Well, they do.
Suicidal Tendencies – “Institutionalized“
Sometimes all we want is a fucking Pepsi, too. I don’t think that makes us crazy.
Pink Floyd – “Another Brick in the Wall (Part II)“
With our mom growing up, it was always “How can you have any dessert if you don’t eat your green beans?” So we can totally identify.
Warrant – “Cherry Pie“
Pretty self-explanatory, although sometimes I get the feeling this song isn’t really about pie.
R.E.M. – “Crush With Eyeliner“
We know this song isn’t really about the cheap orange soda, but we still hum it to ourselves 100 percent of the time we come across some in a gas station.
Snoop Dogg – “Drop It Like It’s Hot“
When Snoop says “drop it like it’s hot,” we always envision somebody trying to take a casserole out of an oven without wearing oven mitts. This is why we’re fat.
The Contours – “Do You Love Me“
Sure, most folks hear the opening strains and immediately feel like dancing, but all we can think of is making a gravy volcano in our mashed potatoes.
King Missile – “Cheesecake Truck“
An intentionally humorous song about eating an entire truck filled with cheesecakes would normally make us laugh — if it weren’t for that regrettable summer when we plied our craft as the neighborhood ice cream man.
The Beatles – “I Am The Walrus“
Some dudes are breast men, some are ass men. But, like John, we consider ourselves egg men.
Reverend Horton Heat – “Eat Steak“
It’s a mighty good song (if you’re in the mood).
The Champs – “Tequila“
There’s only one word in this song. But let’s give ’em credit, it’s a damn good one.
Rolling Stones – “Brown Sugar“
It just tastes good. Don’t ask why.
Cat Stevens – “Into White“
Stevens’ metaphors are lost on us. He could just as easily be fixing dinner as building a house here.
Dead Eye Dick – “New Age Girl“
She don’t eat meat? Fine! Leaves more for us!
Sir Mix-a-Lot – “Baby Got Back“
Who cares if everyone else thinks her best asset is her “back” or whatever? Red beans and rice didn’t miss her, and our biggest turn-on is a chick who can eat.
Savage Garden – “I Want You“
We remember when this song was on the radio 40 times a day. But, even then, the only lyrics we knew was the bit about the “chica-Cherry Cola.”
Rolling Stones – “She’s So Cold“
Come on, Mick. How can comparing someone to something as wonderful as an ice cream cone ever be considered a putdown?
Presidents of the United States of America — “Peaches”
Has there ever been a catchier song about canned fruit? We, for one, still watch for ninjas over our shoulders when succumbing to this particular craving.
