At least 57* opening acts preceded LMFAO's RedFoo and SkyBlu at the American Airlines Center on Friday night. They brought with them a live band (shocking, right?), a DJ, the show-stealing Quest Crew dancers, several scantily clad female booty-shakers, a man wearing a cardboard robot head, two humans wearing a zebra suit**, beer funnels for twirlin', tons of confetti and a laser machine. What they kept for themselves backstage in the green room, there's no telling.
While I suspect LMFAO's music has a shelf life, I'll admit to being endlessly entertained by their stage show. They're not blowing what might be their one shot at an arena tour. If you want to relive the headlining set with me, you'll find my inner-dialogue timeline below.
*Could be an exaggeration. **Not an exaggeration.
8:54 p.m. -- The only type of person who isn't at this LMFAO show? The inconspicuous type.
9:28 -- I mean, I don't think it's unreasonable to have a hissy fit when there's a whiskey dick situation.
9:35 -- I would never twerk unless two people were holding me up by my legs. These people know how to do stuff right.
9:38 -- Taking video with your iPad at a concert = atrocious form.
9:39 -- Can't wait until "I'm In Miami, Bitch" is preserved by the Library of Congress. Only then will I breathe easy.
9:42 -- The only person who does less work onstage than David Guetta is David Guetta, onstage in a music video.
9:46 -- I now know what they mean when they say they work out. Someday, "Party Rock" will be a newfangled class offered at Lifetime.
9:47 -- "I'M JUMPING AND I HAVE NO IDEA WHY" -- Every teenager in American Airlines Center.
9:50 -- Wow, I'd never considered that use for a beer funnel.
9:55 -- "See, I am looking into her eyeballs, but she is looking into MY balls. It's a triangle-type thing." -- RedFoo of the house of Gordy.
10 p.m. -- Overheard at LMFAO tour rehearsal: "Yeah, uh, you, Asian dude in the purple: You can just run around and hump speakers during this song."
10:01 -- I make fun of LMFAO, but they're much better than boy bands because they don't attempt ballads. #fuckballads
10:10 -- LMFAO should also be commended for good pacing. The only thing that's bored me is the lack of variation in BPM. I should just get drunk.
10:23 -- Combine this tour with a live circus and you'd have a long-running hit. Along with the occasional freak accidents. #worthit
10:25 -- "Now whurr my alcoholics, let me see yo hands up!" Um, I think I'm at the wrong meeting?
10:35 -- I bet Richard Simmons considers these guys his fucking nemeses. #LMFAO