Last night I reluctantly headed to Deep Ellum's Club Dada to see Macaulay Culkin's pizza-themed Velvet Underground cover band perform.
Now, if you're anything like me, then that sentence takes some serious digesting before it can be completely understood. Former child star Macaulay Culkin is in a Velvet Underground cover band, but they change all the lyrics to make the songs pizza-themed.
Got it? OK, let's move on.
My knowledge of Macaulay Culkin is he's famous for slapping cologne on his face and dated Mila Kunis pre-Ashton Kutcher.
Yeah, that's right. Let's all give Macaulay a virtual high five for landing her.
I thought for sure that this would all be a joke and people were there just to see why the hell Kevin from Home Alone is so broke (I'm assuming) that he has to tour the country with a cover band called Pizza Underground.
But it turns out, it's kind of not a joke. I met one of the band members, Phoebe, and by I met her, I mean I shook her hand and during those three and a half seconds, she seemed more serious about what she was doing than anything that entire night.
Already intimidated, I asked Phoebe what time the band would take the stage. She told me 10:45 and after a security escort to the stage, the band began playing.
Photography wasn't allowed, so let me try to paint the scene for you. Five
people musicians, wearing black sunglasses, stood behind mics and sang songs about pizza. Some crowd members recorded the entire thing as if they were going to go home and whip out the recording at their next dinner party to show their friends.
The guy in front of me leaned over to his friend and said, "They're so fucking high."
OK, I wasn't going to say it, but I'm glad someone finally did. Like, the idea to form a pizza-themed cover band with your friends comes after a night of drinking or smoking, right? There's really no other way that idea is formed. Right?
Well the story goes something like Phoebe and her husband, Matt, decided to form the band and then someone knew someone and Macaulay Culkin somehow became a part of it. It sounds bizarre, but really don't all semi-good ideas end with a child star joining to really bring in the cash?
Pizza Underground played about eight songs and there was a lot of moving around in the crowd. People were walking back into the bar and then back outside to the show quite a bit. One guy even yelled, "We wasted seven DVR slots for this." I laughed.
And then at one point a man stood in front of me with a camcorder recording the show. Another man, who seemed to know exactly who camcorder guy was, asked for his picture. Confused, I asked who the man in the blonde wig and white sunglasses could be. The fan wasn't quite sure either, but we finally decided it was a Culkin brother. Rory or Kieran, we'll never know.
The show ended after about 30 minutes of playing time.
"I just paid money to watch Macaulay Culkin play a kazoo," said the guy in front of me.
Yes, you did. We all did.