We here at the Dallas Observer think you've all been slacking. Sure, it's easy to be a music fan when all that entails is dropping a few PBRs at the Double Wide, but what happens when it's time to put your pickled cerebellum to the test? What follows is our first in what might be a series of Music Pop Quizzes, designed to challenge both your music and your math skills. Questions first, then the answers at the end, so don't cheat, slackers! Get your pencils sharpened, and first one to finish gets a commemorative photo of the Hotel Palomar from back when it was a crackhouse, a gift certificate to the new hipster thrift store called Basic Black 'n' Shabby, and a free official Dirk Nowitzki haircut (the kind where he looks like a member of the Strokes, not the kind where he looks like a Texas A&M cadet).
Question No. 1: If the Killers and My Chemical Romance—the headliners for April 15's EdgeFest, tickets for which go on sale Friday, March 2—play for one and a half hours apiece, how many quarts of black Maybelline eyeliner will they go through by the end of the show?
Question No. 2: If the quality of the Shins' newest album is sucky in inverse proportions to the last one, what percent of the time at their upcoming Monday, March 5, show at the Palladium will you spend chatterboxing with your friends instead of listening?
Question No. 3: This one's kind of an essay question: On Saturday, March 3, Good Records will be putting on their "Top Secret...Shhh" show, the result of a two-year-long project in which 41 area musicians recorded tracks separately without knowing who else was recording tracks. The tracks were all taped on a 1983 analog reel-to-reel 8-track and mixed sans digital equipment. In 200 words or fewer, answer the following question: Is this going to suck? Why or why not?
Question No. 4: Now, the science: When Michael Franti and Spearhead play their Friday, March 2, show, what will the air in the Gypsy Tea Room be composed of?
Question No. 5: What will people who are actually interested in the history and plight of people of color be more interested in than the Spearhead show?
Question No. 6: How freakin'awesome is Sarah Jaffe? List the reasons why. Use complete sentences. Then attend her show Friday, March 2, at Opening Bell Coffee.
Answer No. 1: Actually, the Killers prefer Estée Lauder makeup over cheap-ass Maybelline, while My Chemical Romance leans toward Clinique. They do, however, get their epaulets at the same place, Cap'n Crunch's Crazy Costumes.
Answer No. 2: Dude, it's the Shins. Shut the fuck up.
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Answer No. 3: Nothing Good Records does ever sucks.
Answer No. 4: 30 percent patchouli sweat, 30 percent dreadlock stink, 40 percent white hippie pretension
Answer No. 5: The 66-minute documentary Conscientious Projector! Afro-Punk, which explores race identity within the punk scene and will be shown Sunday, March 4, at 1919 Hemphill in Fort Worth.
Answer No. 6: She's super-awesome (also acceptable are the terms "majorly awesome" and "simply put, she's the awesomest."). She is awesome because she manages to make Ani DiFranco-esque folk tunes that are neither patronizing nor cringe-inducing. She's awesome because her gorgeous voice conveys raw emotion without sounding raw itself. She's awesome because whenever she plays her guitar and sings, beer bottles stop midway to mouths, chatter ceases and jaws drop. Of all people, she's the only musician in Dallas who can single-handedly make everyone at the bar shut up.