10. "Backdoor Santa," Clarence Carter
Believe it or not, Carter had a career before "Strokin'".
9. "Santa Baby," Eartha Kitt
As hot as Kylie Minogue, Willa Ford and Madonna may be, give us Eartha Kitt any day.
8. Little Drummer Boy
"Come, they told me..."? "...to lay before the King..."? How did they get away with that back in the '50s? Here's the Simpsons sisters' take.
7. "Christmas Card From A Hooker In Minneapolis," Tom Waits
Is
there anything hotter than a down-on-her-luck junkie prostitute? In
case you didn't recognize it, the lyric is a Charles Bukowski poem.
6. "Mr. Hankey, The Christmas Poo"
This is the hottest song ever, if you're a fecalphiliac.
5. "Sexy Christmas Baby Mine," Morphine
Couldn't find video (although the mp3's yours by clicking above), so you'll have to use your imagination to see the mattress lying on the floor under a bare lightbulb in a filthy brownstone.
4. "I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus," The Ronettes
This was originally recorded by a 12-year-old Jimmy Boyd, but here's a less irritating rendition.
3. "I Saw Daddy Kissing Santa Claus"
There
are several parodies of "I Saw Mommy..." with the obvious switcheroo.
They range from the innocuous but still kind of weird concept of Mommy
dressing up as Santa to a completely raunchy version that ends up in a
Mommy/Santa/Daddy menage. This one is not quite so explicit.
2. "Dick In A Box"
When we gave this present last year, all we got in return was a restraining order.
1. "Baby, It's Cold Outside"
There
are plenty of versions of this song, from great (Dean Martin) to
not-so-great (Nick and Jessica). But only one features Zooey Deschanel
in the shower.
--Jesse Hughey, Merritt Martin, Noah Bailey, Patrick Michels, Alex Flores
