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A Dallas County Employee Was 14 Minutes Late Today, and His Excuse Should Win a Pulitzer

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Here's what we know: a guy named Adam who works at the Dallas County Clerk's office was late to the office this morning. Fourteen minutes late, to be precise, according to the "Kronos Workforce Timekeeper System used by Dallas County."

So says the rather officious form Adam was given when he finally arrived at work, and which a buddy of his subsequently posted to Reddit.

After being informed, in devastatingly curt bureaucratic language, of his 14 minute lateness, Adam was given a space of four lines to explain the reason for his "tardiness."

Awesomeness ensued.

In case you can't make it out, it reads:

After boarding the DART train at the Carrolton station, we spent approximately 10 minutes awaiting departure. It is my belief that the conductor was gripped with a paralyzing fear, haunted by the ghosts of the men, women and children he had slain in his previous occupation as a serial killer, forced to move because of the closing net of police investigators.Wresting his consciousness back to the present, we finally began to move.

Sounds reasonable to us.

Update, 11:30 a.m.: We reached Adam just now at his desk, where he informed us it's not the first time he's been unavoidably delayed on his way to work.

"Over the summer, I said I had fended off a ninja attack from the train," he explained. "They were trying to rob people and I missed my stop."

His boss accepted that explanation without comment, he said, and didn't follow up with any yelling or firing.

We informed him that his excuses had just earned him an insta-Internet fan club.

"Really, I think they were perfectly reasonable," he said serenely. Totally.

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