Here's what we know: a guy named Adam who works at the Dallas County Clerk's office was late to the office this morning. Fourteen minutes late, to be precise, according to the "Kronos Workforce Timekeeper System used by Dallas County."
So says the rather officious form Adam was given when he finally arrived at work, and which a buddy of his subsequently posted to Reddit.
After being informed, in devastatingly curt bureaucratic language, of his 14 minute lateness, Adam was given a space of four lines to explain the reason for his "tardiness."
In case you can't make it out, it reads:
After boarding the DART train at the Carrolton station, we spent approximately 10 minutes awaiting departure. It is my belief that the conductor was gripped with a paralyzing fear, haunted by the ghosts of the men, women and children he had slain in his previous occupation as a serial killer, forced to move because of the closing net of police investigators.Wresting his consciousness back to the present, we finally began to move.
Sounds reasonable to us.
Update, 11:30 a.m.: We reached Adam just now at his desk, where he informed us it's not the first time he's been unavoidably delayed on his way to work.
"Over the summer, I said I had fended off a ninja attack from the train," he explained. "They were trying to rob people and I missed my stop."
His boss accepted that explanation without comment, he said, and didn't follow up with any yelling or firing.
We informed him that his excuses had just earned him an insta-Internet fan club.
"Really, I think they were perfectly reasonable," he said serenely. Totally.
Keep the Dallas Observer Free... Since we started the Dallas Observer, it has been defined as the free, independent voice of Dallas, and we would like to keep it that way. Offering our readers free access to incisive coverage of local news, food and culture. Producing stories on everything from political scandals to the hottest new bands, with gutsy reporting, stylish writing, and staffers who've won everything from the Society of Professional Journalists' Sigma Delta Chi feature-writing award to the Casey Medal for Meritorious Journalism. But with local journalism's existence under siege and advertising revenue setbacks having a larger impact, it is important now more than ever for us to rally support behind funding our local journalism. You can help by participating in our "I Support" membership program, allowing us to keep covering Dallas with no paywalls.