A Man Rolls Into a 7-Eleven With a Baseball Bat and Pocket Knife ...

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Senior Cpl. Kevin Janse, spokesman for the Dallas Police Department, was kind enough this afternoon to shoot us the narrative to what's surely one of the odder 7-Eleven robberies in recent months. (Update: Good ol' Avi, always with the actual police reports. L'chaim, brother.) Happened in the wee small hours of the morning on Wednesday at the 7-Eleven pictured above on Park Lane near Greenville Avenue. Guy in a wheelchair -- African-American, 5-foot-10, about 170 pounds -- rolls his wheelchair into the convenience store, only the clerk wouldn't let him in initially, probably because had a bat resting in his lap and had been a problem in the past.

Only, that didn't stop the dude, who rolled right in, screaming, "I'm gonna fuck you up!" while waving the bat at the clerk. The thirtysomething gentleman, who also had a pocket knife in his lap, then rolled over to the cash register and started beating on it. Didn't take any money, though. Notes the police report: "The suspect then went down an aisle of the store, taking several packages of condoms and placing them in his lap. The suspect then opened the door of the refrigerator and took out a case of energy drinks. Suspect then wheeled out the front door of the store." And nobody's seen him since. Incidentally, he got out of there with $35 worth of Trojans and a $5 monster Monster. Apparently he had some business to attend to. --Robert Wilonsky

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Robert Wilonsky
Contact: Robert Wilonsky