We kinda like the idea of the videogame version of Marty Turco between the pipes rather than the real deal come playoff time.

Anaheimlich Maneuver

The Dallas Stars are in post-season form. Which, of course, is horrible news.

As has become a dreaded spring tradition, they're again teasing, tantalizing but, ultimately, disappointing. Just five days ago I was checking out our hockey heroes when I noticed, that, hey, the Stars just won consecutive important road games at Detroit and Nashville! Wow, they're 10-1-1 in their last 12!! Awesome, only four points behind Anaheim in the Pacific Division!!! Looking at the schedule, I made a note that tonight's home showdown against the Ducks would be exactly that -- a showdown.

And then...

In typical Stars' now-you-see-us-now-you-don't fashion, Friday's finally rolled around, and they've totally flubbed the puck. In short: Stars fall down go boom. They're suddenly the biggest flop on ice this side of Blades of Glory, which is hilarious to my 10-year-old but will barely make you crack a smile if you're at all fond of this classic.

Horrendous losses to the crappy Blues and last night to the crappy Blue Jackets have totally evaporated Dallas' division title hopes, and all but deteriorated tonight's shoulda-been big deal into an everybody-stay-healthy scrimmage. With only Sunday's season finale against Chicago between them and the finish line, looks like the Stars will finish as the Western Conference's No. 6 playoff seed, which means no home-ice advantage in the first round. Which, if you're familiar with recent Stars' history and the pratfalls of goalie Marty Turco, might not be such a bad thing after all. --Richie Whitt

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