This much we can tell you about the man suspected of robbing Chase Bank and Northern Trust Bank downtown Monday, just before noon: He's around 25 years old; stands 5-foot-7 to 6 feet tall; wears a goatee that must be so wispy it doesn't even register in the surveillance photos of him; and has numerous tattoos stitching his rather muscular arms.
But it is this last detail that I am convinced will bring about his downfall: He's wearing an Aggie ball cap whose brim is so flat it looks like it's been ironed. If you know any Aggie fans brazen enough to rob a downtown bank practically at rush hour, call the Dallas police special investigations unit at 214-671-3661. If you wish to remain anonymous, you can call Crime Stoppers at 214-373-TIPS.
Do not -- I repeat, do not -- call the hogs.