Crime

Anybody Know The Beefy Aggie Fan Robbing Downtown Banks In Broad Daylight?

This much we can tell you about the man suspected of robbing Chase Bank and Northern Trust Bank downtown Monday, just before noon: He's around 25 years old; stands 5-foot-7 to 6 feet tall; wears a goatee that must be so wispy it doesn't even register in the surveillance photos of him; and has numerous tattoos stitching his rather muscular arms.

But it is this last detail that I am convinced will bring about his downfall: He's wearing an Aggie ball cap whose brim is so flat it looks like it's been ironed. If you know any Aggie fans brazen enough to rob a downtown bank practically at rush hour, call the Dallas police special investigations unit at 214-671-3661. If you wish to remain anonymous, you can call Crime Stoppers at 214-373-TIPS.

Do not -- I repeat, do not -- call the hogs.

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Brantley Hargrove