College Football Uniforms Are Outta Control: My Top 10 Observer-ations

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10. We've sorta become desensitized to Oregon's smorgasboard of uniforms with different helmets featuring gray, green, yellow and white and neon-green outlined numbers. Blame Phil Knight and Nike for those. But what about the rest of ya? The opening weekend of college football delivered some great games (see Baylor 50, TCU 48) and some hideously awful uniforms.

9. Like, for example, Oklahoma State. Since when did the Cowboys start wearing gray? Or is that charcoal? And what's with the square in the middle of the jerseys? Hang your head in shame, T. Boone Pickens. Though you probably okayed the son of a guns, didn't you? I also hear that OSU has gray helmets just waiting to be worn.

8. I remember one time the Dallas Mavericks trotted out some silver uniforms. The backlash was severe that Mark Cuban immediately canned them. Get those phone lines ringing, alums.

7. We'll get to Georgia more in detail later, but were they sporting two-tone face masks? Yes, they were.

6. Anybody watch Minnesota-Southern Cal? The Gophers' helmets were all sparkly, like a teen-aged girl's fingernails or as if some crafts class had dipped them in glitter just before kickoff. I think Texas Tech used to have that foundation on its helmets as well.

5. Arizona State's new helmets feature just a devil's pitchfork.

4. Even old-schoolers Michigan and Notre Dame are altering their legacies Saturday night. Notre Dame's classic gold helmets will be adorned by a green shamrock and the Wolverines' jerseys will feature a giant M where the numbers usually are in the front. Cringing.

3. Props to Texas, Southern Cal and Alabama. To become a classic uniform, you've got to first have some consistency. Even Penn State's vast void of nothingness looks better than most all of these new looks.

2. I swear I looked up to watch Georgia vs. Boise State Saturday night at a sports bar and thought it was a scrimmage between an Arena League team and some poor, rural squad that couldn't afford decals for its helmets.

1. Maryland! The Terps came out last night for warm-ups in helmets featuring a tortoise-shell pattern. Then ... life-sized chess pieces. What. The. What?!

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