Look, we're sorry, OK? The last time we ventured into weather forecasting, we may have been a little overexcited at the remote prospect of snow in North Texas. We admit it now: "Snowpocalypse" and "frozen hell" were a bit over the top in describing what turned out to be a little rain a couple of weeks ago.
In our defense, we were being satirical then (at least that's our story) in order to drive home the point that you — yes YOU, the person reading these words, as well as every other person you know — should never, ever, ever drive in Dallas when the weather's icy. Our words might have been misconstrued.
Not this time. Here's the straight dope on the New Year's Eve weather: We're all going to die.
HAH! We kid. The weather's gonna be fine, mostly. Only those of you who decide to forgo a designated driver and possibly a few innocent bystanders are likely to die in holiday-related mishaps, and that has nothing to do with the weather. There's also the danger of being struck by falling bullets fired by people who think it's a good idea to ring in a new year by shooting guns into a night sky in a heavily urban area. Technically, that's not a weather phenomenon, either. No, these two dangers on New Year's Eve, much like driving on ice, stem from a different problem: idiocy. Sadly, idiots themselves are not the only victims. Life is unfair that way.
Oh, but we're getting a bit grim here. Sorry. Still feeling a little bitter over another pony-less Christmas. Let's just get to the weather.
If you're praying for a clear New Year's Eve this year after a tumultuous week in weather, you might be in luck.
According to the National Weather Service's 7-day forecast, Monday night is expected to be mostly cloudy with a low of 35 degrees. So bring a warm coat to that New Year's Eve party or bundle up in the comfort of your house while you watch the ball drop. (Do not feel depressed about the latter option at all. There's nothing wrong with staying at home on New Year's Eve, especially if you don't have any friends or a pony, which is the only friend anyone needs and way better than people, really.)
Although Christmas stayed pretty dry, the rest of the week might be a bit more chaotic.
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The National Weather Service issued a flood warning starting early Thursday and ending Friday before noon. According to the National Weather Service's Hazardous Weather Outlook, the "primary threat" for North and Central Texans on Wednesday was heavy rain and generally small hail, although severe hail was not ruled out. (Unlike falling bullets, particularly those fired at an angle, hail is rarely lethal in this country. The record for hail deaths is 246 people in a storm in India in 1888, according to Guinness World Records. So you shouldn't panic. Much.)
Several counties west of Dallas were also issued a tornado warning on Wednesday until 10 p.m. (A memorial for victims of the Dec. 26, 2015, Rowlett tornado that killed 13 was canceled yesterday on account of severe weather, FOX 4 reported. But really, do not panic. The odds of a tornado striking this time of year are no greater now than they were in 2015, give or take a little climate change.)
The chances of rain will lessen throughout the weekend, with a 30 percent chance of rain for Dallas on Sunday and a 20 percent chance on New Year's Eve, according to the National Weather Service.
So you'll be right as rain, weather-wise. Most likely. If, however, you find yourself in a car with someone who swears he's "just fine to drive" or outdoors as the gunfire erupts at midnight, then panic. We, in the meantime, will be safely indoors, dozing as the ball drops and dreaming that the patter of bullets on the roof are tiny little pony hooves.