Dallas Cowboys

Dear Ines Sainz, Joe Avezzano Would Like to See You in the Locker Room. Tonight.

Hey you. Over there. Yeah, you. The chick with the hair and the lips and the things and the big, bodacious, bountiful booty.

What if you could get into an NFL locker room with your brains instead of your beauty? Interested?

If so, no better place to start than Football 101 and no better tutor than former Dallas Cowboys' assistant coach Joe Avezzano. Ladies Locker Room - which kicks off tonight at Studio Movie Grill in Dallas (75 and Royal) - is for Ines Sainz and every woman who is curious about football but too intimidated to ask.

Here's the deal: In general, us guys don't like our chicks knowing about sports. Sorry, but that's the truth. Likewise, we promise not to butt in when y'all are on the edge of your couch watching one of those 12 faux-reality shows set in, of all places, New Joisey.

Our knowledge of Kate Gosselin is only that she looks damn good in a bikini these days. Your football acumen can be Cowboys = Good; EveryoneElseOnTheFaceOfThePlanet = Bad.

But if you wanna impress us, Coach Joe can give you the shortcut.

I attended one of these last year and - pssst! - there are tons of women out there who actually have an appreciation of the sport far deeper than The View's Joy Behar, who once said on a Super Bowl pre-pre-pre-game show:

"I'm rooting for the Patriots, because in those tight pants Tom Brady's butt looks soooooo cute."

Ladies Locker Rooms will be open October 27, November 24, December 22 and January 26. 7 p.m. $10. Simple.

Now, at the very minimum, you have no excuse to no longer give out a score as "Seven Fourteen."

Thanks to Coach Joe you'll know it's "Fourteen Seven". And so on ...

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Richie Whitt
Contact: Richie Whitt