Finally, TABC Has an App to Tell You When You're Drunk

Have you ever been drunk? Have you ever wondered about how drunkenness affects your maze-completing ability? Have you ever wanted to test your drunken maze-completing ability using a taxpayer-funded smartphone app that constantly shames you about your drunkenness?

If you answered yes to all those questions then you're in luck. Yesterday, the Texas Alcoholic Beverage Commission unveiled its Intoximaze app, which was developed "to support the TABC's public safety efforts during Spring Break and throughout the year."

Here's how the TABC describes it in yesterday's press release:

The Intoximaze app is an interactive game designed for users who are old enough to consume alcoholic beverages. The game requires users to draw a line between a start and end point without touching the walls and becomes more challenging as the user progresses through the levels. The game is intended to incorporate the user's motor skills and timing response which can decrease as a result of consuming alcohol. If the user strikes out too many times in a row, the game will advise the user to seek a safe ride home if they have been drinking. Additional information and facts about intoxication, alcohol poisoning and alcohol by volume will pop up throughout the game. The game will also allow the user to post their high scores directly on their Facebook wall. There's even a multiplayer option that allows a group of people to play against each other on the same device.

Excited yet? Wait till you see the Pong-style graphics and the mazes, which could be pulled straight from a first grader's activity book.

But don't let the seeming simplicity fool you. Intoximaze is tough. Even sober, tracing a path through the labyrinth as the clock ticks without veering into a wall is tricky. Slip up and you'll be greeted with helpful messages about excessive drinking. For example: "SOME SIGNS OF INTOXICATION: THROWS THINGS. GIGGLES OR LAUGHS FOR NO REASON." Three strikes and you'll be told to call a cab.

So, Texans finally have a mindless activity to keep them occupied while drinking, but only those who use Androids. The iPhone app hasn't yet been released.

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Eric Nicholson
Contact: Eric Nicholson