Amidst the buzz this summer about same-sex marriage and gay pride, it's easy to lose track of the unsung victims of all these equal rights. So to bring attention to heterosexual Americans and the struggle they face, like having to see gay characters on television and not having VIP federal marriage benefits, July has been declared "Heterosexual Awareness Month," or HAM. And one website is trying really hard to get Texas on board.
HAM is bold, and not just because it's borrowing ideas from neo-Nazi message boards. Saturday was Straight Pride Day. All heterosexual enthusiasts were encouraged to show their support by wearing black, which is not only the color of mourning but also the opposite of rainbows.
This sounds like it makes for very somber straight pride parades -- just black streamers, black tank tops and black body glitter. And July 22 is the International Day Against Heterophobia, celebrated with the traditional eating of pancakes.
See more: The Boy Scouts Have Been Possessed by Big Gay Demons, and Other Gay-Scout Fallout [Updated] Republican Congressman Ralph Hall Accidentally Wandered into a Gay-Rights Soiree
The Texas Heterosexual Awareness Month's Facebook is full of Biblical passages, pictures of married couples with American flags and explanations that homosexuality is like sitting on someone's head and then getting angry that they don't like you sitting on their head. If gay people have been sitting on the moderators' heads then it makes a lot of sense why they're so frustrated, and there should be more in the news about a gay head-sitting epidemic.
The best way to celebrate Heterosexual Awareness Month, though, is to slam people who don't share your sexual practices, ideally with weird cartoons and very confusing flowcharts.
The holiday is a much-needed counterpoint to all the media attention and civil rights victories for LGBT people in the U.S. Historically many straight people have made huge accomplishments but get no recognition, including Abraham Lincoln and the voice of Alf. Without measures like Texas Heterosexual Awareness Month and Straight Pride Day, the only historical figures American kids will learn about in school will be Harvey Milk and Sappho.
