Josh Hamilton, the Biggest Dodged Bullet in Dallas Sports History, Says He's "Off Upstairs"

By the time Josh Hamilton packed his bags and set off for the West Coast and a $125 million paycheck, no one was particularly sad to see him go. His epic late-season collapse, neatly encapsulated by that botched fly ball, as well as his energy-drink binges and general histrionics, had been enough to permanently sour the relationship.

The intervening months have proved just how lucky Rangers fans are to be rid of Hamilton. First there was his comment that Dallas isn't a "true baseball town." Then, the weird Head & Shoulders commercial. On the field, his .214 batting average is embarrassing, as is his clear lack of effort.

Nor does he seem to care that he and the supposedly loaded Angels are playing terrible baseball. Matter of fact, he used those exact words: "I don't care."

All in all, Hamilton has proved that his flakiness is not a fluke but a personality trait.

On Tuesday, Hamilton blamed all this on a sinus infection, which is apparently not-at-all related to the energy drink-caused vision problems he suffered last season. "I'm just off," Hamilton told "However you want to write it, however you want to describe it -- I'm just off."

And he's not just generally off. He's "off upstairs," he says. We believe he's talking about his headspace and not the second story of his home, or some new supplement called Upstairs, or the place in the clouds where God, aka the Man Upstairs, is known to reside. But with Hamilton you never know.

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Eric Nicholson
Contact: Eric Nicholson