The United Nations has already made quite clear that it has no intention of invading Texas, dismissing Lubbock County Judge Tom Head's prediction of blue-clad international forces laying siege to Hub City as "absolutely ridiculous."
It's now clear that UN bureaucrats were hatching an even more insidious plot. Infowars, Alex Jones' online megaphone of truth, sounded the alarm on Tuesday in a piece headlined "United Nations to Take Over the Alamo":
San Antonio, Texas Mayor Julián Castro is currently negotiating with the United Nations to designate the Alamo as a UN Educational, Scientific and Cultural Organization (UNESCO) World Heritage Site, meaning that a blue UN flag may fly above the historic shrine of liberty once it falls under UN control....
The Alamo Plaza, where most of the fighting took place during the 1836 Battle of the Alamo, is administered by the city of San Antonio.
During the battle, at least 189 Alamo defenders sacrificed their lives for liberty instead of surrendering to the tyrannical Mexican President Antonio López de Santa Anna.
The Alamo emerged from the battle as a sacred shrine for individual freedom in the face of collective evil.
Now the shrine is besieged by the collective UN, whose policies follow Santa Ana's dictatorial rule rather than the values the Alamo defenders died for "in the name of Liberty, of patriotism and everything dear to the American character" as Alamo Commander William B. Travis wrote in Feb. 1836.
So egregiously misleading was the report that Land Commissioner Jerry Patterson, whose natural tendency as a Republican candidate for lieutenant governor would be to bash the UN with comically overheated rhetoric, sent out a press release dismissing it as "horse hockey."
"Some folks might think that getting on this list means the UN has some sort of influence at the Alamo. Those folks must not be from around here," Patterson said in the release. "The people of Texas own the Alamo now and in the future. (Editor's note: Mexico is inclined to disagree). Nothing is going to change that."
He goes on to point out that designation as a World Heritage Site does not imply UN control. It's just lets foreign tourists know that it's a place of historical significance they might like to visit. "That is all," Patterson says, concluding what should stand as the most shockingly reasonable thing a Republican has said in the lieutenant governor's race.
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