I'm not going to say whether my bike ride this morning, straight into a patch of freshly laid concrete, was an intentional but poorly executed attempt to leave leave an indelible mark on University Park (think a child's sidewalk hand print, except with no hands and one ass), or whether it was purely an act of buffoonery, just another in a string of humiliating cycling fails. I'll leave it to you, dear reader, to decide.

It's not important. What is important is that I now realize that it was wrong. Because even though the gaggle of construction workers huddled around the nearby cement truck put on a brave face, going so far as to laugh and give an appreciative (or mocking?) whistle, it couldn't have been easy to see their morning's work ruined by some douche on a bike. To them, I say sorry.

See also: To The Guy Who Thought It Was Funny to Shoot Me With a Paintball Gun on the Santa Fe Trail: You're a Dick

I would also like to apologize to my co-workers, who are being forced to endure a guy whose pants and shoes are encased in concrete, and to the office cleaning crew, who will need a shop vac to suction up the debris I'm leaving behind. To the University Park taxpayers, who might have to shell out a couple of extra bucks to smooth over that giant divot I left on Boedeker Street at McFarlin, I would also like to extend my regrets.

I have no excuse, though I do have a small suggestion for construction workers seeking to protect their handiwork. Next time maybe try moving the "Road Closed" barricade directly in front of the street you're paving. Because cyclists can be really dumb.

Send your story tips to the author, Eric Nicholson.

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