If you want any real Ebola news, check out the Friday afternoon update. If you want to see something we barely believe isn't from The Onion, keep reading.

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In a move that makes Highland Park ISD's response to Ebola seem thoughtful and measured, Maine School Administrative District 58 has placed a teacher on paid administrative leave due to parental fears of her being exposed to Ebola. The teacher's crime? Attending a seminar held by the Smarter Balanced Assessment Consortium in Dallas.

See also: Highland Park ISD Wants Parents to Know They Are Safe From Clay Jenkins and His Family

To Unfair Park's knowledge, she didn't seek out the bodily fluids of any Ebola sufferers while she was here, nor did she play with Bentley the dog. She did, however, stay at the Hilton Anatole, exactly 9.5 miles away from Texas Health Presbyterian. That's right: If Dallas were to follow Maine's lead, basically the whole city would be getting paid to stay home on Monday. Good idea.

The teacher's leave is scheduled to last 21 days, the Ebola virus' incubation period.