Media Political Pundits Quit Surfing TMZ Long Enough to Sculpt Narrative, Declare Rick Perry Campaign Sunk.

Terrible thing to waste: So that's it, then. Governor Rick Perry's run for the GOP presidential nomination is done, o-vah, dust in the wind. One inarticulate response in a debate watched by precisely 172 people in which he muffed a chance to call Mitt Romney a flip-flopper again, plus a lackluster showing in non-binding straw poll of 2,600 elderly Florida Republicans, and the pundits have ruled: So long, Governor Sleepyhead. Frontrunner? Shoot, he might as well pack up and head back to his hovel in Austin. Loser.

As of noon on September 27, anyway.

Ever wondered how political media folk manage to discern themes and narrative and the future a full 11 months before the rest of us even begin to care about presidential politics? Of course not. Nevertheless, we have space to fill, so we're going to tell you. Drawing on our decades of media experience, Buzz has delved deep into the psyche of the political reporter and offers you 20 seconds in the mind of a pundit:

"Oh, man, another deadline, another 700 words of drivel. ... Better fire up the ol' Internet. ... Hey, Demi Moore's topless on Twitter! Put me down for follow ... no, later. Gotta deadline. ... Lessee. ... Hmm, Michelle Malkin is dissing Perry. She's still alive? Wow. Ann Coulter too? ... Crap, it's just Demi's back. Bogus. ... Hmm. Moore, Malkin and Coulter, there's a Do-Marry-Kill for you. I wonder ... nope, nothing for "Anne Coulter nude." ... Stop! Concentrate, man! ... Wonder what Chris Christie's up to. Ah, says he's still not gonna run. ... Still could be an angle. ... Mitch Daniels has a book out. God, another political book. ... Wonder if I'm too old to take the LSATs again. ... Shit. Deadline. ... OK, here goes: Marry Moore, do Coulter ... Stop it! ... Need a story. ... Huh. Rick, Mitt, Chris, Mitch. Why do all those GOP guys sound like members of a frat house a capella group? Save that one for a tweet. ... Hah! Look, that kitty wants a cheeseburger. ... Be going back to Iowa too fuckin' soon. Loose-meat sandwiches and Red Roof Inns. Man, I miss the sports desk. ... Whoa, gotta plane to catch. What to say? ... OK, Perry was up, now he's down. GOP thinkers worried. Conservative doubt. ... Should hold off the boss, Mr. Douchey Douchstein. Like he edits this crap anyway. ... Follow up with Perry recovering. ... Yeah, narrative. That's the thing. ... Christ, another year of this. ... Wonder what's on ... Ooo, look. Shiny."

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Patrick Williams is editor-in-chief of the Dallas Observer.
Contact: Patrick Williams