Nuh-unh. Say it ain't so, Juan. Really, a comeback? That's what it says here: The most storied and sorry slugger in Texas Rangers history is aiming to make it back to the bigs, this time with the St. Louis Cardinals, who are apparently out of live bodies. Reports the St. Louis Post-Dispatch today, Gonzalez and the Cards hashed out a minor-league contract yesterday that "will bring the two-time American League MVP into camp as potentially a power bat off the bench or even as a platoon outfielder."

What's this -- his fifth attempt at a comeback? (And that includes his stint with the Long Island Ducks in August 2006.) And here I thought the last time I'd ever mention Gonzalez, who made his debut with the Rangers the same year I started at the paper version of Unfair Park (1991, sweet Lord), was when he merited his own chapter in the Mitchell Report. --Robert Wilonsky

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