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PETA Tells Omar Vizquel To Go "Challenge Hugo Chavez to an Arm-Wrestling Match"

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But that's just because the People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals doesn't want the Rangers' shortstop to become a bullfighter. Oh, you missed that? Yeah -- a couple of days back, the former Indians great said bullfighting is "one of my things on the to-do list." That's only because he's already mastered the art of anaconda-hunting, unlike, say, Owen Wilson. Anyway, PETA today "sends" Vizquel a press release ... pardon, a moving, thoughtful letter in which the group's Dan Shannon says that's so not cool, Omar, and would you pretty please reconsider. Writes Shannon in this friendly excerpt:

On behalf of People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA) and our more than 2 million members and supporters, including many Texas Rangers fans and thousands of residents in the Dallas area, I'm writing to urge you to nix your off-season plans to learn bullfighting. We know that you have hit only one home run this year, but if you're looking for a way to prove that you can perform, believe me, torturing an already weakened animal won't impress anyone.

In bullfighting, the bull doesn't stand a chance. Even before the matador enters the ring, the animal is beaten in the kidneys and stabbed in the neck to wear him down. Bulls are also often fed laxatives to debilitate them further, and petroleum jelly is smeared into their eyes to affect their vision. By the time the matador steps into the ring, the bulls are weaker than -- oh, forgive me -- a shortstop with a career OPS below .700.

Hey, Dan, one homer's more than Omar hit last season. So there.

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