Audio By Carbonatix
This week on Project Runway, which we’re one local contestant auffing away from turning off forever, Heidi Klum flounced out on the runway and announced that the designers would have to pick new models. But not actual models. Instead she introduced some gay divorcées who wanted a redesign of their wedding gowns for their newly single lives. A slight revision of ye olde bridal challenge, but still too familiar.
Irina seemed to think that she’s awesome, and everyone is secretly hating her for that. And I think she has absolutely no problem with that. She got first pick and went with the biggest, laciest parade float of a dress. Logan made a good pick and got a long train of material to work with. As the choices decreased, so did the yardage on the dress. Local girl Shirin got last choice and — this irritated me a bit — made it clear she wasn’t happy with what she got. If I were her model, it probably wouldn’t make me feel so hot that she sighed and threw her head back when we were paired.
Then her lady said she wanted something, you know, “Cher ‘Half-Breed,’” and I changed my mind and decided Miss “Just Not Married” deserved every eye-roll and huff Shirin had in her. That being said, the girl is loud when it comes to bitching, so I wouldn’t want to share a work table with her, either.
But with only two yards of new material and whatever notions-accessories they could get for 15 buckaroos, the designers headed back to the workroom to work some swerve into all that unsuccessful satin and lace.
Gordana showcased the emotions this episode — being out of touch with kids and the whole divorce thing seemed to touch a
nerve. It made her more human, and I think it totally
helped her design. She began work on a cool fitted cocktail dress made
from dyed and frayed strips of her divorcee’s gown lining. Her woman
requested punk rock, and the woman was getting super chic punk with a
little sexy ‘tude.
Carol Hannah explained that
to her, destroying a wedding dress seems blasphemous since much
of her income comes from designing them. Didn’t keep her from dyeing up
a little curve-hugging, strapless number.
Tim came in to mentor,
and it made me love him so much more. Sweet, sensitive but firm,
Gunn had the biggest hesitation over Christopher, Logan and Epperson’s
designs and fawned over Gordana (“I just want
you to keep saying to yourself, ‘I’m gonna win! I’m going to win
this!”) and Irina. Then he went on to comfort the
stressed-to-tears-with-the-least-material Shirin and told her to clear
her table and map out a new design as though she was using paper dolls,
because she needed to be “liberated” from that mayhem and foolishness.
Suddenly, the heavens opened and Shirin decided to screw working in a
feathered headdress; instead, she was going to stitch a pattern onto that white
polyester and Make. It. Work!
Others didn’t seem to get such
inspiration. Logan barely dressed his model in the most ill-fitting
pants and vest ever, while Epperson realized, “Wha? We’re supposed to
use the dress for most of our material? Oh, guess I better start over.
Guess I better craft this black-and-white beer wench costume as quickly
as I can.”
The editing was strange for this episode, because at
different points in the show, the divorcees would come in for consults
or fittings, oohing and aahing over their looks, but we never really
got a clear grasp on the progress of the designs. But at one point I
thought Shirin would’ve been totally justified in slapping her model
when the girl said (no joke), “I so have an attitude right now. What
has she been doing all day!” OK, maybe slapping would’ve been too
harsh, but Shirvin could’ve said, “Not channeling Gypsies, tramps or
thieves, but working to stay on this show in spite of you.”
Seeing
as how they were given only one day for the challenge, the designers
were scrambling, for the most part, during the day of the runway show.
Epperson and Logan were not confident. Christopher was too confident
with his misguided puff of metallic organza. Shirin’s model was still
totally unappreciative: “So did you work right up until midnight? … So
the hem will be shorter?” Nicolas hated his outfit. Like, serious
disdain. “It is one of the most hideous things I’ve ever made. I am so
not proud of it. It’s so not me, but it’s what she wanted.” And his
model agreed she did want it … and him too, as she professed her love and went on about
how she wants to have his child. Awkward. Lonely.
Michael Kors was back again, along with Zanna Roberts of Marie Claire. The
wild card judge was founder and president of Jimmy Choo and member of
the board of directors at Halston, Tamara Mellon (who, let’s be honest
here, I have a total girl crush for).
Carol Hannah, Nicolas and
Althea were safe. If there were room for a fourth lowest, it would’ve
been Althea with her super-average blue dress. I can’t even describe it
it was so lost on me.
The judges made fun of Christopher’s
garment, using “tin foil,” “space bubble dress” and “worst dressed” in
their assessments. Epperson and Logan both got called out for looking
too Oktoberfest (called it!) and, well, Heidi Klum knows her
Oktoberfest. Tamara Mellon felt it was more “pirate’s wench” (partial
credit! She said “wench”!). Of the two dirndl offenders, Logan got
saved (10 bucks says it’s because he’s pretty), and Epperson was auffed
to go cry in his beer stein somewhere. But he didn’t cry, and he was
gracious. In a bit of an ironic twist, while the Oktoberfest looks got
thumbs-down, Gordana, the actual German, won with her deconstructed
chic. Shirin was in the top as well, receiving excellent comments for
her refusal to Cher it up.
Christopher or Logan should’ve been
kicked off, but producers need eye-candy, I guess. I was happy for
Gordana and that Irina didn’t win again. Her ego just rubs me the
wrong way. Next week, my bet is on Celine Dion or Christina Aguilera
for guest judge, because in the teaser there was mention of Grammy
Awards and multi-plantinum albums … and I also saw a flash of Bob
Mackie. Both of those sassy ladies would wear one of his headwraps for
sure.
