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Bob Mackie — or the “Sultan of Sequins,” as Tim Gunn so flamboyantly introduced him — was the designer judge and the inspiration for this week’s challenge on Project Runway. Master of Madonna’s sparkling bodice, Diana Ross’s sequined head and hips and Cher’s tinseled titties, Mackie is the go-to guy for stage-wear.
So the designers had to design a stage costume — not fashion, as Mackie stressed — for none other than white-haired siren Christina Aguilera (also serving as the fourth judge this week). She’s rocked the bedazzled hotpant and the plunging neckline. She’s worked cornrows to corsets. This wasn’t going to be an easy challenge for so many designers who have either understated style or fairly refined inspirations. But even with a hard challenge, combining Mackie and Aguilera meant Project Runway finally got back the flamboyant gay spirit that Lifetime seemed to have sucked out of it — even if only for two-minute spurts here and there.
It was obvious who had issues from the moment the crew returned from Mood with their glitzed out fabrics, and the incredibly confident — and just as bitchy — Irina said as much. But she was wrong in several cases.
Christopher was excited about designing for Aguilera but was
manufacturing some strange double outfit — one would get ripped open
to reveal a sexier and sparklier number beneath … ideally. He had the
right materials and the right energy, but his construction looked shady
from the get-go. I didn’t have a problem with the bubble-skirted
outer-fit had it been for a teen girl, but it seemed real wrong for
Aguilera. Plus, come Tim Time, the under-look was lame. And I don’t
mean the shiny fabric, I mean L-on-the-forehead lame. Even Tim said,
“There is a primness to this whole look. If you’re going to have a
reveal, it should be super-sexy slut or something.” Made me laugh out loud. And rewind five times.
Gordana went in looking strong with some gorgeous
fabric but ended up in a beading nightmare; every time she made a
cut, her baubles fell off the dress. She started over fresh on Day Two
and thanked the fashion gods she had won immunity the week before
(this, by the way, is the last week that word will be uttered). Let’s
not even discuss her abominable evening gown with malformed nipples,
because she’s safe and it’s not an issue.
Nicolas, whose idol is
Bob Mackie and who was clearly totally stoked beyond belief about the
challenge, seemed to have a handle on things until Tim told him he
thought it looked too much like his frozen ice glue-head from a few
weeks back. He reigned it in, edited some feathers and actually turned
out a cute li’l showgirl number. I do want him to work in some color
though. The boy has worked with enough white and platinum as of this
challenge.
Irina, who likes to badmouth Carol Hannah and Shirin
to her model and to America, ended up one for two on her fabric
prediction when it came to the diminutive duo. Both of her sworn
enemies stood pondering their fabrics for a bit in the beginning, and
she would’ve liked them both to fall on their faces, but only one
actually did while the other kicked ass and won the challenge. And
we’ll get to who did what, but for now, let’s just say that at no time
did I find anything I saw Irina working on interesting, and aside from
Gordana (who had immunity, remember), Irina was the only one who was
neither on top or bottom come results-time. Yeah, know why? Because her
weird kinda-navy dress was truly unremarkable. Totally mediocre. I
realize she’s talented, but I think the vitriol she’s been spewing is
starting to taint her work. It wasn’t spirited at all, and after
everyone made great efforts to avoid Ice Capades-like outfits, her
garment looked the most like one. Well done, Ice Queen.
Logan
and Althea were fairly strong, with Althea beating him
out this time on construction and Logan acing Althea in terms of
concept. Her “9-foot sequined evening gown” would be perfect for
performing a song like “Beautiful,” and her strips of sequined fabric
woven in with reversed pieces of the same fabric made for an
eye-catching texture that even Mackie complimented. Logan got his
length wrong and didn’t push his “punk princess” to a punk-enough
level, but the seed and potential were there … even if Aguilera felt it
looked a bit cavewoman what with the sleeveless fur shrug and the zebra
print.
So … about Carol Hannah and our local girl Shirin Askari.
Let me describe the two’s creations just a bit, and I’m guessing you’ll
figure out relatively quickly wether or not I’ll be writing another
Project Recap this season:
Carol
Hannah began with no real design and a grab bag of every shiny fabric
she could get her hands on. Shirin seemed equally timid and immediately
questioned her “Dracula red” fabric, which never made it onto her look.
But that’s the last time the two had similar issues.
Tim’s take
on Carol Hannah’s mid-way was one of pleasant surprise. He complimented
her incorporation of the sequins and commended her decision to keep the
dress full-length rather than risk the dreaded ice-skater costume
if she pulled off the skirt. Ultimately, Nina Garcia (thank God she
came back) called it glamorous, and Aguilera said she could see herself
in it … which um, I think, was kinda the point, Christina. Mackie loved
CH’s use of various shades and finishes of black on the feathers,
sequins and fabric. Although they would’ve liked a reveal (what is it
with the reveal? Does every skirt need to come off?), everyone gave it
a thumbs-up.
Shirin, however, received a rather tragic review
from Tim, and at one point was going to start over completely mid-way
through the second day. I wish she had, honestly, because her look was
so much like a cross between bad Beyonce fashion (from back in the
early days — you know you remember) and a pageant dress I sort of felt
like I was rubbernecking a train wreck. The sad thing was, Shirin knew
it, but just couldn’t pull the miracle out of her ass to save it.
Unlike last week, a little patterned stitching was never going to save
this dress. The criss-cross bondage neckline and the swishy sequined
skirt didn’t jibe, and Heidi even called it a “perfect Halloween outfit”
likening it to a witch’s costume in need of a pointy hat. Nina thought
it had a Carmen Miranda moment at the bottom … and I suppose I’d agree
if Miranda were a Goth.
It seemed clear that Nina was trying to
say something to save Shirin when she said that she knew she had talent
and a “very meticulous hand.” And truly, after two weeks in the bottom,
I thought three strikes meant Christopher would be out for sure.
Especially over Shirin. After all, while his concept was sweet, he gave
a poorly executed Lady Marmalade outfit, and as Nina said, Aguilera has
certainly been there and done that.
But while Makie likened Chris’
outfit to “the road company of the Pussycat Dolls,” the Genie in a
Bottle loved Christopher’s vision of her covering a Cyndi Lauper song
and then revealing another outfit as she broke into an Aguilera
original. I think she was the reason he stayed … and Shirin was auffed
for a too-big dress that in no way channeled the 1940s glamour she was
going for, but instead clashed in style, overwhelmed its designer and
underwhelmed the judges.
It’s assinine, really, that Christopher
is still freaking there after crafting the shiny shirtdress, the foil
bubble, a corset Makie wouldn’t put on the back-row chorus girl and,
well, shit, all that damn crying. Maybe if the same panel of judges were
there week after week, there would be some consistency (I mean
seriously, Michael and Nina — did you people not sign on to be on a
weekly TV show? Show up or don’t expect us viewers to, K?). But I’m
assuming the producers have everything to do with the Christopher
versus Shirin decision, and if I were them, at this point I’d want Irina
to STFU too.
While there’s no need for me to provide a recap anymore now that our last local gal has bid NYC auf weidersehen,
I will say this about the next episode: I was excited for Nicolas to
call Irina a bitch this week, and on the previews it looks like she will
yet again be an issue — at least according to Carol Hannah. And — oh, hell, I cannot wait — Heidi is going to
tell someone, “It was just ugly.” Yikes. Awesome yikes.
Oh, and for the record, as it stands I’m rooting for Carol Hannah FTW.
