Screw This

Screw this: By God, when that Jacquielynn Floyd is right, she's right. Even a blind hog finds an acorn once in a while, they say, and Floyd found one with her Morning News column Tuesday: Democracy is tedious and fatiguing.

So let's leave the Trinity River toll road vote to the people who actually have the brains and energy to make cogent arguments and talk about more interesting stuff this week, like sex. See, it says right here in Buzz's inbox that a pair of psychology researchers at the University of Texas in Austin have uncovered 237 motivations for people to have sex, which is roughly 235 more than we were aware of. Our two: Because we had the chance or, when alone, because nothing good was on television.

Beyond pleasure or the desire to reproduce—mutually exclusive in our book—researchers David Buss and Cindy Meston found tons of reasons for having sex. For instance, there are spiritual reasons such as "I wanted to be closer to God," popular among altar boys and members of certain local Pentecostal denominations. And there are goal-based reasons, like revenge. ("I wanted to give someone a sexually transmitted disease.")

Goal-oriented screwing. Huh. Sort of makes Buzz think of Mayor Tom Leppert's announcement that he was turning over the petitions gathered by the Trinity toll road opponents to District Attorney Craig Watkins. Leppert wants Watkins' office to see if it can scare up enough bad signatures to cast a bad light on the HUGELY successful grassroots petition drive that will allow voters another say in whether they want a freeway by the river. That Leppert, what a man of the people. As he prepares to comb through those petitions, Buzz hopes Watkins doesn't consider the fact that the big-biz, pro-toll road white suits no doubt backed Republican Toby Shook in last year's race for district attorney.

But we're being fatiguing again. Let's get back to sex, 'cause we don't want to bore all you newspaper readers with stuff about politics, public works or the future of the city. Let's talk about a calendar sent to us by 60-Mile Men Inc., a Michigan nonprofit set up to support Breast Cancer 3-Day Events. (It's not affiliated with the Dallas three-day walk, coming in October.) The calendar features average men, ages 24 to 73, in various states of undress. It's more pork-cake than beefcake and reminds Buzz of what must be high on the list of sexual motivations for women: "It was dark, and I was really, really, really drunk."

Yet, oddly, seeing all those pants-less, pasty, portly bodies makes us think again of how those pro-toll road boys must have felt when they heard the anti-roadies collected enough signatures.

But let's forget all that. Come back next week. We promise to write about our cats.

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Patrick Williams is editor-in-chief of the Dallas Observer.
Contact: Patrick Williams