Some Exceedingly Weird Crimes Were Committed in Dallas Yesterday

Sometimes the Dallas police have to deal with stupid shit. Often said shit's not quite stupid enough to merit its own story, but at the same time seems a shame to not mention at all. That said, here are a few highlights from the beats of Dallas' finest.

2 p.m.: A woman walked into the Burger Street at 9180 Skillman and demanded a free burger. She said they had messed up a previous order but had nothing to indicate that was actually the case. When the manager refused to give the free burger, the lady went berserk and rushed behind the counter, where she knocked over two tea dispensers, ruining in the process $10 worth of paper sacks and $10 worth of lemons and cherries.

3 p.m.: A loss prevention officer at the Galleria Macy's caught a shoplifter trying to make off with five sweaters, a pair of men's pajamas, and a diamond ring. The suspect was detained until an accomplice approached and flashed a gun. Both of them fled from the store. The diamond turned out to be a cubic zirconia worth $20.

5 p.m.: Police stopped to talk to a group of men they spotted gathered behind Alligator Jack's liquor store on Lamar Street. At the center of the group was a Chevy pickup from which a man was selling a selection of packaged meats, all bearing a Kroger label and bar codes. Officers asked what was going on.

"I'm selling some stuff for my cousin, Leroy James," the vendor said. And where did Leroy get the meat? "Off the truck he drives." The officers were unable to confirm that the goods were, in fact, stolen, but made an inventory of what they found, which included: five packages of ground chuck; seven packages of smoked bacon; six moist and tender pork loins; five packages of hot links; five packages of ham shank; and three rib eye steaks.

7:30 p.m.: Someone walked into Foot Locker on Webb Chapel Road and, according to a police report, walked out with five "boxes of Snickers" worth $500.

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Eric Nicholson
Contact: Eric Nicholson