Attention Rockwall: We are receiving reports that Bigfoot is inside of you. According to the horrendous photoshop job photographic evidence above, he is currently perusing your quaint downtown.

DO NOT BE ALARMED. Renowned Sasquatch chaser and Searching for Bigfoot, Inc. founder Tom Biscardi is en route from California and is assembling what he calls his "A-Team of Bigfoot hunters" to track down the cryptozoological marvel.

This crack team includes:

Tom Biscardi, Team Leader

C. Thomas Biscardi III, aka Tom Jr., aka TJ. Director of Field Operations. Director of Field Security. Live Capture Team Leader

Rocky Slavens, Sharpshooter Extraordinaire

Jim Snell, Field Response Team

Jim Dawson, Documentarian

Chico Martinez, Navy Seal/Survival Expert

Bill Coffee, "Wants the World to Know Bigfoot Exists"

Mr. T, ???

So breathe easy, Rockwall. Your continued survival is assured.

Update: We've received additional information that Bigfoot -- the Rockwall creature? A close relative? -- was spotted last month at McCommas Bluff, right here in Dallas. The Facebook photo is tagged "Sasquatch," so you know it's legit.

Send your story tips to the author, Eric Nicholson.

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