Any creature can predict the winner of the Super Bowl. Those who have correctly done so include: an ape, a porcupine, a horde of puppies, a manatee, a seal, a panda, an octopus and a bunny.
Add to that list the elusive "teen mystifier," a 17-year-old Dallas magician named John Tucker. Not only did he foretell a Seattle Seahawks victory -- any half-witted animal can do that -- he nailed the surprisingly lopsided score (43-8) and pegged linebacker Malcolm Smith, who was on absolutely no one's short list, as MVP.
Or so Tucker claims.
The stunt went like this: Tucker recorded himself making his prediction, placed a CD of the recording in a plexiglass cube that was hung in front of the Cotton Bowl for three days, completely inaccessible to anyone without a ladder and scissors to cut the zip ties.
The CD was retrieved this morning and put into a waiting stereo.
"Yo, whats up everybody!" his voice blares from the speakers. "This is John Tucker. It's 6:13 a.m. Thursday, January 30, and I'm recording this as my Super Bowl prediction: Go Seahawks! I believe the Seahawks will win the Super Bowl and the final score will be 43-8.
"As for the MVP player -- well, you're going to have to check under the CD sticker for that one."
Recording over, present-day Tucker retrieves the disc.
"You'll actually see on the actual CD, there's been a sticker the whole time. Check this out: right under the sticker, MVP player Malcolm Smith."
Clearly, magic is the only possible explanation. Only a mean-spirited cynic who hates the thought of underprivileged children attending sporting events, which is what Tucker was raising money for, would speculate that he swapped the Cotton Bowl CD for an identical-looking one he recorded last night.
Tucker truly is a teen mystifier -- a teen mystifier who really needs to stop tweeting the same thing at every TV reporter in North Texas.
Send your story tips to the author, Eric Nicholson.