This Is What Happens When You Write About Louie Gohmert in 2019

U.S. Rep. Louie Gohmert begins to ripen during his questioning of former Special Counsel Robert Mueller earlier this year.EXPAND
U.S. Rep. Louie Gohmert begins to ripen during his questioning of former Special Counsel Robert Mueller earlier this year.
Win McNamee / Getty
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Over the last couple of weeks, a certain U.S. representative from East Texas has popped up a couple of times in your friendly neighborhood news vertical. It's been with good reason, too. He's stormed a secure facility at the U.S. Capitol, threatened civil war over the potential impeachment of President Donald Trump and proudly asserted on talk radio that he knew the name of the person who blew the whistle on Trump's alleged quid pro quo threat to Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelenskiy, despite federal laws intended to keep the whistleblower's identity a secret.

For Rep. Louie Gohmert it was all par for the course, but it was also newsworthy. The Observer has reported on Gohmert's high jinks for a decade, as he's repeatedly made himself and the area he represents the butt of the joke.

In the three years that Trump has been in office, things have shifted. Gohmert is still Gohmert, prattling on about conspiracy theories and launching into diatribes about how Democrats are the real racists. Thanks to the Republican Party — and American society — having lurched to wherever it's lurched since 2017, however, Gohmert is now mainstream, a stalwart to be celebrated, not a crazy political uncle that everyone just tries to ignore.

The feedback that I've received over the last few days is proof. My email inbox has been inundated with Gohmert partisans, eager to defend their man, and more eager to attack me.

With a tip of the cap to former Dallas City Council member and current Observer food writer Philip Kingston, who started this mailbag bit with contributions from Confederate dead-enders, here are a few of the notes I've received.

Subject: You look EXACTLY like I expected you to

Message: Listen u fat beta male bitch, I can only imagine the estrogen levels in ur fat body boil over with jealousy when you hear a REAL white man like Louie Gomert speak. If you limp wristed drag queen loving perverts keep it up, civil war will be coming your way. You should read the chapter "The day of the rope" from the classic novel "The Turner Diaries".... That's what's gonna happen to you fat boy...... Glory to Donald Trump! Glory to Vladimir Putin! DEATH to the Deep State! (Nine middle finger emojis)

The worst part about this one was that it made me brush up on The Turner Diaries, which is just a terrible book. Also, I can lose weight, dear reader, but you can never not have resorted to emoji in an email threatening a journalist.

Subject: Recent Louie Ghomert article

Message: How can you responsibly and objectively repeat these lengthy quotes made by Ghomert, then turn around and say his talk of civil war is solely motivated to "defend Donald Trump"? Maybe you should've gone a little further where Ghomert addressed additional concerns that democrat party behavior in the handling of this impeachment is, "setting a precedent", whereby the Republican party can someday set up false accusations and a phony court against a Democrat president they don't like. If you included that part of his speech, it sounds pretty clear that protecting the Constitution of this Republic is of a much higher priority than protecting one man. It's one thing to be a piece of shit, but being a dishonest piece of shit is unacceptable.

Typos are forgivable, but since it happened three times, I'll bite. Who the hell is Ghomert? Worth noting that Gohmert also threatened to impeach President Barack Obama over the debt ceiling crisis, of all things.

Subject: Paid per lie

Message: >Democrats are following the same process Republicans found to be essential as they spent months investigating Benghazi. You lying seditious fuck. The Executive Branch will not be permitted to participate in the open HPSCI hearing. President Trump lawyers will not be permitted to question witnesses in the open HPSCI hearing. Ranking member of HPSCI (Nunes) may have subpoena power subject to pre-approval by Chairman Adam Schiff. Requests must be made in writing. Chair is not mandated to approve. Ranking member of HPSCI (Nunes) may have ability to request witnesses subject to pre-approval by Chairman Adam Schiff. Requests must be made in writing. Chair is not mandated to approve. Schiff (Chairman) and Nunes (Ranking member) will each have 90 minutes (aggregate) to question any witness brought before the committee. All other committee members will have 5 minutes each, per witness. [Remember this is a member assembly of 3 committees] The Chairman can allow contracted legal staff (Lawfare) to question witnesses, as part of his 90-minutes of available questioning. The Chair is authorized, though not required, to make depositions public. Upon completion of the hearing(s), the HPSCI chairman shall write a **report to the Judiciary (Nadler) with instructions of findings. The chair **may** include dissent from the minority opinion therein. How much you get paid per lie as you paraphrase/lift stories from the DMN, a company losing 7% market cap annually? #winning 5 bucks? What do they give for Christmas, err, holliday bonuses over there? $20 gift certificates to Racetrack? Facts don't matter with the round mound of clown.

As Fox News' Chris Wallace pointed out during an interview with Kellyanne Conway on Sunday, Republicans did, in fact, conduct closed-door interviews and depositions during their Benghazi investigation. Conway, in response, made the claim I think MyBrainIsActuallyFunctional — that's this letter writer's chosen contact name — is making here, that the president is being denied his due process rights during the impeachment inquiry.

First off, impeachment is not a criminal process. Second, even if it was, the Senate is the body that holds the trial, the House just determines if articles of impeachment are appropriate. I'm already regretting writing the previous sentence because I can already hear the keyboard constitutional scholars' brains whirring.

Subject: Gohmert

Message: Boy, you really tripped over your dick on your FAIL attempted Gohmert hit piece didn't you? You know, the one you evidently spent 10 minutes researching and writing? https://www.realclearinvestigations.com/articles/2019/10/30/whistleblower_exposed_close_to_biden_brennan_dnc_oppo_researcher_120996.html Hack

When you write what Gohmert says, it's a hit piece. There's a reason that Real Clear Investigations remains the only outlet to name the alleged whistleblower, a week after their initial report — they were willing to run it without confirmation due to their assessment that "the official's status as a 'whistleblower' is complicated by his being a hearsay reporter of accusations against the president, one who has 'some indicia of an arguable political bias … in favor of a rival political candidate' — as the Intelligence Community Inspector General phrased it circumspectly in originally fielding his complaint."

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