Thanks for the Mammary

Technically, Buzz is supposed to limit our insightful, thought-provoking commentary--OK, lame jokes... whatever--to local issues. Which is why we want to give a shout out and say gracias to the fine people at the Plano-based Free Market Foundation, a conservative pro-family group. Thanks to them, Buzz has the local hook we need to justify writing about an important national issue: Janet Jackson's boob.

"During the halftime show of the Super Bowl on Sunday night, families were shocked at the indecency and partial nudity displayed as part of the entertainment," the Free Market Foundation wrote in an e-mail sent to supporters--and others, including Buzz.

Buzz was shocked, too. We saw the show and didn't even realize at the time that Jackson had flashed us. So we were surprised to learn the next day that Federal Communications Commission Chairman Michael Powell was already hot on the case. "I have instructed the commission to open an immediate investigation into last night's broadcast," Powell said. "Our investigation will be thorough and swift."

Whew! Thank God for Michael Powell. Oh, sure, when a CIA agent is outed as part of a White House political vendetta, the federal investigation seems a touch dilatory. Intelligence failures that led to 9-11 and whopping mistakes about weapons of mass destruction? Hey, investigating those takes time. But one semi-exposed nipple? Release the hounds.

Buzz called the Free Market folks to find out exactly what sort of action they would like the FCC to take in the great areola caper. Big, whopping fines, a representative said, against CBS, the NFL, MTV and anyone else involved in the halftime show.

To which Buzz says, "Right on, brothers and sisters." Let's all do our part to preserve the purity of football and keep the semi-nude hot women off the field and on the sidelines, shaking pompoms.

In our effort to keep up with Laura Miller, who's moving into spacious new Preston Hollow digs surrounded by wrought iron, Buzz has decided our Euless efficiency is a touch too small. In last Sunday's Dallas Morning News real estate section, Buzz found the solution, but there's a hitch: The object of our desire is a mere $44,750,000 out of Buzz's price range. Even worse, it's in Denton County. On the plus side, there's plenty of room--48,000 square feet of it, including a rodeo arena.

You know you're looking at high-tone property when the house has a name--in this case, Champ D'Or, which means "field of gold," or what you'd have to have to buy the place. Briggs Freeman Real Estate Brokerage and Sotheby's Properties have been trying to dump the place for more than a year; seems the dream house of retired cell-phone baron Alan Goldfield (get it?) and wife Shirley has turned into something of a nightmare, especially considering it took five years to build and only a few months to put it on the market. The house, with its Titanic-inspired staterooms and Tavern on the Green tea room and Ocean's 11 steam rooms and movie theater and two-story closets, has become such a curio that in recent months it's been featured on CBS-TV and in USA Today and even an Australian newspaper. According to one of the stories, the couple decided they wanted to travel more and plan to move into a smaller house across the street--something 1/24th the size of their dream home.

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Patrick Williams is editor-in-chief of the Dallas Observer.
Contact: Patrick Williams

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