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Former Dallas Cowboys coach Bill Parcells finally spoke about his "retirement" earlier this week -- and, natch, he didn't do it on a local station, because God forbid he talk to the team's actual fans. So, instead, he spoke with The Fan (WFAN-AM) in New York, specifically to hosts "Mike and the Mad Dog." Since we can't actually listen to those people talk -- too much Noo Yawk this early in the a.m. -- we're not gonna transcribe the interview. (The furthest we could make it was a question concerning the crushing loss to the Seahawks and whether it factored into Parcells' decision. "I can't say it didn't have an effect, Mike," Parcells said, just before our Texas head exploded.) Just click here to listen, download or drive yourself insane. --Robert Wilonsky