Crime

Thieves Strike Texas Worm Ranch, Murder Thousands of Innocent Worms

The Texas Worm Ranch, a fixture at local farmer's markets and producer of the Observer's reigning Best Worm Doo-Doo Pee-Pee, is in crisis.

Yesterday, they declared a "worm emergency" after its five commercial air conditioning units were stripped of their copper wiring, rendering them inoperable.

When The Dallas Morning News reported the theft on Monday, the situation was dire but not yet catastrophic.

The paper's declaration that the burglars had "let the worms off the hook," however, was premature.

The Texas Worm Ranch reports on its Facebook page that the heat has killed off at least 40 percent of its worms, whose castings comprise the company's potent fertilizer.

"Unfortunately," they write, "we need to hold off on worm sales until we can stabilize our populations."

That process is already underway. TWR co-owner Steve Clary is en route to Georgia to replenish their stock of worms. To cover the cost of replacing the air conditioners, the organization is encouraging gardeners to join its Monthly Worm Casting CSA. Or, you can just buy a Texas Worm Ranch T-shirt.

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Eric Nicholson
Contact: Eric Nicholson