This Show's Gone to the Dogs

If you’ve wondered where I’ve been with all the snips, clips and blow-outs -- and, from the deafening cries of outrage, not so much -- I took a two-week hiatus from Shear Genius coverage because, well, nothing was really happening when it came down to our primary interest: co-owner of Frisco’s Green Peridot, Daniel Lewis. Then, last night’s Shear Genius stooped to all sorts of lows. They're detailed after the jump, for those who like a good bitch session.

There were people throwing squid, flour and blackberries in their client’s hair (the shortcut challenge was to use common kitchen products as “green” styling aids), even though there were way more appropriate products available. Daniel landed in the top picks for the shortcut by using peanut butter (which makes him vomit if he eats it), avocado and beets in a curly updo. Hair Show Charlie said the beets looked like “maroon testicles,” but, whatever, he was just pissed Paulo beat all of them with a corn syrup cotton-candy-lookin’ ’fro. Jealousy brings out the testicle insults in all of us, I suppose.

Then the elimination challenge came. Seriously? That’s really all I could say. It was like a freakish hybrid of Groomer Has It and Beat the Clock as the stylists had an hour and a half to not only groom a freakin’ dog (yeah, for real, ’cause that’s why they’re on the show), but then style the dog’s owner to match. I call bullshit. If that’s all they can dream up for Shear Genius challenges, cancel the fuckin’ show. Match the dog and the owner? Pathetic … and rude. I don’t care how much you love your dog, the last thing you want is Hair Show Charlie defending his cut by saying that he mimicked the curls on your dog’s tail on your head.

But, alas, Daniel made it to the top two by (cough) putting extensions on dog and owner. Dee won by cutting a foxy bob and putting styling cream on a furball. Nekisa got the chop. Dueces. --Merritt Martin

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Robert Wilonsky
Contact: Robert Wilonsky