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| Crime |

Three Women Walked Into Condoms To Go Last Night. One Walked Out With Futuristic Strap-On In Her Pants.

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The product you see to the right is a marvel of modern engineering. You need only watch the promotional video to conclude as much. California Exotic's 10-Function Silicone Love Rider™ Thruster™ is a "complete strap-on with a seven-inch long, one-and-a-half-inch wide silky-smooth silicon probe."

See also: Unfair Park's archive of Dallas' crime stories

The probe, which the manufacturer also refers to as a dong, has "a pointed, curved head for complete G-spot arousal with reverberating vibration throughout the undulated shaft." The harness is adjustable, accommodating up to a 70-inch waist. More impressive still is the gadgetry: it manages to pack 10 individual functions -- pulsation, vibration, escalation, a state-of-the-art memory chip, etc. -- into a small, iPod-sized battery pack that runs off two AAs.

It's enough to make men obsolete. The modern woman need not even ask her man for money to pay the $65.99 suggested retail price. Take the three women who walked into Condoms to Go on LBJ at about 8:30 last night. They spent a few minutes browsing before one of them approached the register.

The customer made as if she were trying to make a purchase, but, according to a Dallas police report, she was really only providing cover for her friends, one of whom was shoving the 10-Funciton Silicone Love Rider™ Thruster™ down her pants. Once the friends had slipped out of the store, she joined them in a black Ford SUV. They drove off before employees could piece together what had happened.

The whole thing was caught on the store's surveillance video. One can only assume that it is neither the first nor the last video starring the Love Rider™ Thruster™.

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