Hear ye, Hear ye: The National Football League is about to start fining players ... for playing football.
In another move away from its popular roots as America's most entertaining and, yes, violent sport, the NFL is suddenly showing cowardice and promising to fine and/or suspend defensive players for what it's calling "devastating hits."
What the what? The NFL, after all, was founded on devastating hits. I grew up watching Dick Butkus clothes-line running backs and Cliff Harris crashing into receivers. The NFL sells "greatest hits" videos and makes millions upon millions via the sale of games like Madden '11.
First the NFL said defenders can't hit quarterbacks high. Then they couldn't hit them low. With a strike zone already as tiny as Hitler's heart, the league - in the wake of a particularly violent Sunday - is trying to curb big hits anywhere, anytime.
If we wanted flag football, we'd watching flag football. If you're not going to allow players to use their helmets, we'll go ahead and watch Australian Rules Football.
Sorry, I love the NFL. But if it's a league that now outlaws a safety whose big hit naturally slides from a receiver's shoulder pads to helmet, I'll love it a little bit less.
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We're approaching the day where safety overrides scores, and that's horrible. Worse, it's not entertaining. Who's going to be enthralled by 22 dudes running around with main goal of not hurting each other?
Next thing you know a defensive back is going to be faced with a receiver-football-defensive back triangle. The defensive back, fearing a suspension, pulls back from delivering a "devastating hit." The receiver catches the ball, scores a touchdown and - you guessed it - the defensive back gets cut for doing a shitty job.
Shame on you, NFL. Shame.
At least now we know what all this pink is about.