Remember when Dwaine Caraway gave Michael Vick a key to the city of Dallas and everyone got outraged and then-Mayor Tom Leppert had the city clamp down on who had access to the prize closet and Caraway said but look, man, I did it for the children? Yeah. Good times. Only, see, it's not hard to get a key to the city -- and one of the nice ones too. Right now, matter of fact, all you need's, like, 10 bucks. I believe this one's Archie's.