“Caricature: Texas Governor Greg Abbott” by DonkeyHotey is marked with CC BY-SA 2.0.
Audio By Carbonatix
It’s election season. While we have 17 propositions to vote on here in Texas, the ballot, full of tax issues, is relatively boring compared to the mayoral election happening in the Big Apple. All eyes are on New York City as the controversial legacy politician, Andrew Cuomo, faces Democratic Socialist Zohran Mamdani in what is expected to be a landmark election.
Curtis Sliwa, founder of the Guardian Angels, is also running for mayor, but the pay-per-view-worthy showdown is between Mamdani and Cuomo, as Gen Z support backs the notably young candidate, and the president backs the former New York governor who stepped down following allegations of sexual harassment.
It feels like there isn’t one person not watching the city that never sleeps, including our very own Gov. Greg Abbott, who, the night before Election Day, decided he would chime in on X.
“After the polls close tomorrow night, I will impose a 100% tariff on anyone moving to Texas from NYC,” he wrote.
Good one!
Abbott did not clarify exactly what the new tariffs would apply to, though if we’re going to use the T-word, we might as well apply it to the influx of Californians as well.
The governor, of course, cannot impose tariffs; that is a power reserved to the federal government, and the head honcho in charge sure is making use of it. It’s no surprise that Abbott’s taking more cues from the president, including using his social media accounts to crack jokes about serious and often scary political actions. One red trucker hat, and the two could be twins.
This isn’t the first time Abbott has taken to X when he’s in a silly, goofy mood. And it probably won’t be the last. Here’s a walk down memory lane of his triple-take tweets.
The Time He Upset All Of Canada
While not inherently bad, there’s a context that’s needed here. The Canadians were not particularly happy when President Donald Trump introduced his new tariff plan, and so they began boycotting American-made products. At first, the issue remained between the nation’s heads, and then Abbott decided he needed to chime in. In response, we got name-dropped by a Canadian Member of Parliament.
“How about we teach you a lesson and say ‘We got better places to go to than Texas’ if that’s your attitude of Canadians, we will not go,” Charlie Angus said during a speech addressing Elon Musk, Trump and Abbott. “Hell no, we will not go.”
Thanks, Abbott.
The Time He Shared Fake News About Garth Brooks
In a since-deleted tweet, Abbott reshared a fake news article from a fake news source about a fake concert in a fake city with a very real country music star in the headline.
“Garth Brooks Booed Off Stage at 123rd Annual Texas Country Jamboree,” he wrote. “Go woke. Go broke. Garth called his conservative fans “assholes.” Good job, Texas.”
The author of the satirical news source, Christopher Blair, told the Guardian that Abbott is “one of the dumbest people in the country.”
Folks, the importance of media literacy cannot be exaggerated.
The Time He Had To Apologize For Responding To An Ableist Tweet
Back in his attorney general days, Abbott landed himself in hot water after he thanked a supporter who called former Sen. Wendy Davis a “retard Barbie.”
The exchange came as Abbott geared up for his campaign for governor, and obviously did nothing to hinder his success. His crisis management was successful.
“My first Tweet that I sent out, I did not read the offensive language that was on there,” Abbott said during a speech following the scandal. “I was just ripping off thank-yous to people who seemed like they were indicating support for me. Had I read that first tweet and the language that was in there, I would have, for one, not responded the way I did, but also I would have corrected the language that I had seen.”
The Time He Mourned Rosalynn Carter A Year After Her Death
Abbott and his public relations team must be very grateful for the advent of the delete button on X. They must be very un-grateful for the advent of the screenshot.
In an original statement addressing the 2024 death of former President Jimmy Carter, the governor mourned the loss of a “husband, father, naval officer, governor, and Nobel prize winner,” before extending condolences to the former First Lady Rosalynn Carter, who stood by her husband’s side until her death. In 2023.
We’d also like to extend our condolences to Misty Melarky Ying Yang, the Carter’s Siamese cat, while they lived in the White House in 1977.
The Time He Bragged About Alligators
In April of last year, Aboot took to social media to warn migrants who might plan on crossing into Texas about potential dangers he seemed all too giddy about.
“Alligators are in the Rio Grande,” he posted. “FYI there are warning signs posted in some sectors. Cross at your own risk.”
This was well before the so-called “Alligator Alcatraz” became a reality in Florida. We gotta give credit where it is due: in yet another sign that the apocalypse must be nigh upon us, Abbott was ahead of the curve on that one. Stay classy, governor.
