Eat This

Go to Town on This: TJ's Seafood & Chill



TJ's Seafood is now offering a chilled seafood tower with an amazing name: Meet the Seafood & Chill.

For a mere $115, this stacks-on-stacks-on-stacks chilled seafood tower can be yours. Did I hear you say, "That sounds expensive"? Whatever. $115 is less than you paid for gas this year. It's only like 30 McDonald's quarter-pounder with cheese extra value meals. For $115, you can only get 23 Venti, skinny, no-whip Iced Caramel Macchiatos. If you tried to rent a yacht with $115, the yacht guy would laugh in your face. Like, directly into your face. $115 is not even close to like half of one respectable pair of Kate Spades. And Kate Spades don't come with mother-boning dipping sauce, last time I checked. $115 is perfectly reasonable for the three-stories high boatload of holy craps you are about to be served. 


If you don't want it, fine. If you do, BEHOLD THE AWESOME LIST OF THE TJ'S SEAFOOD & CHILL'S MANY OFFERINGS:
  • Seven jumbo shrimp
  • Jumbo lump crab cocktail
  • Jumbo inability to see your tablemates through your platter
  • Mega high fives
  • Ahi tuna poke with plantain chips
  • Steamed Maine lobster
  • Implied opulence
  • 8 premium East Coast oysters on half shell
  • One loud slap in the face of The Joneses
  • Eight littleneck clams
  • Five side-eyes from jealous onlookers
  • 12 Prince Edward Island mussels
  • Four to six Instagram posts with the "100" emoji
  • 45-minute dipping sauce orgy
  • Optional makeout sesh with lobster face
Get yourself to TJ's on Royal Lane and order one of these suckers immediately. And, to be on the safe side this Valentine's season, if anyone offers to Seafood & Chill with you, ask them if this is what they mean before you say, "DEFINITELY."


TJ's Seafood Market & Grill, 6025 Royal Lane., tjsseafood.com

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Alice Laussade writes about food, kids, music, and anything else she finds to be completely ridiculous. She created and hosts the Dallas event, Meat Fight, which is a barbecue competition and fundraiser that benefits the National MS Society. Last year, the event raised $100,000 for people living with MS, and 750 people could be seen shoving sausage links into their faces. And one time, she won a James Beard Award for Humor in Writing. That was pretty cool.
Contact: Alice Laussade