Cheap Bastard

South Dallas Café

Lunch specials: Monday-Friday $5.95

TVs playing soap operas: 2

Guy walking around asking if everything's OK and refilling my Kool-Aid: 1

South Dallas Café has a big sign outside that says, "No Panhandling. No Loitering. No Soliciting. No Trespassing." So I went inside instead.

I knew they offered a bunch of different daily lunch specials, but I couldn't spot which lunch special they were serving when I went, and the signs all over the counter said stuff like, "Figure out your order before you get to the register" and "Keep the line moving." So, when it was my turn to order, in a panic, I chose the regular plate. That's one meat with three sides and two pieces of bread. I had the baked chicken, macaroni and cheese, collard greens, yams and cornbread. With a giant red Kool-Aid to drink. Hell yeah.

Everything was tasty. The baked chicken was falling off the bone. (It was really good, but I should also mention that almost everyone in line in front of me was ordering the short ribs. And they all looked like they knew what they were doing.) The mac and cheese had more cheese melted on top, just like it's supposed to. The greens were delectable, the cornbread was fluffy and warm, the rare vintage of Kool-Aid was a perfect complement to the chicken, and here's my open letter to their yams:

Dear South Dallas Café Yams,

Please stop tasting so good. I know that you like being popular and you like the happy moan people make when they try you, but you would really be doing us all a favor if you would quit offering us all that cinnamon-y sweet deliciousness. If you keep tasting this good, lots of stuff that I don't want to happen will happen. Like, I'll keep coming back every day and I'll gain 200 pounds and then I'll have to get a trainer to train me so I can keep the yam weight off, and then the trainer will get really mad at me when she finds out that I'm keeping to a strict diet of yams and yams.

So, please cut it out.

What I ordered wasn't the special of the day, and it did end up costing me $10.23, so it doesn't technically count as less than $10. But if you were ready to order on the spot (unlike me), then you could order the special and get out of there for less than $10. There. Justified.

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Alice Laussade writes about food, kids, music, and anything else she finds to be completely ridiculous. She created and hosts the Dallas event, Meat Fight, which is a barbecue competition and fundraiser that benefits the National MS Society. Last year, the event raised $100,000 for people living with MS, and 750 people could be seen shoving sausage links into their faces. And one time, she won a James Beard Award for Humor in Writing. That was pretty cool.
Contact: Alice Laussade

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